Not A Dirty Word
by Michael Fetter
Summary: Michael's life takes a turn for the worse when he pisses off Jesus Christ. There is only one suitable punishment for his abuse of the Ranma universe . . .
1. The Victim Here

Since I liked all of those insertion stories by Carrotglace I decided to do one myself. It'll suck, appear highly unoriginal, and be filled with fan service, but it will be mine!

So, here we go.

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Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2 and any other anime/manga characters I use belong to someone else. After all, if I owned any of them I wouldn't be writing these stories.

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Not A Dirty Word

Chapter One - The Victim Here

By Michael Fetter

The Cave. A sixteen by eighteen-foot room that contained a queen-size bed, desk, computer, and a bookcase filled with anime and manga. If ever there were an example of an otaku's room this would be it. 

Sitting by the desk, the computer his only source of light, Michael slobbered inanely over his keyboard tapping away at a new chapter of his Ranma fanfic. Like the others, he would hold off for months to build anticipation never knowing how unpopular he really was.

"Yes," he tapped keys with his pointer fingers, "That's it. Kill Akane. Kill her. That evil, loathsome tomboy who dare messes with the hero of the story!"

Michael was, perversely, a Nabiki fan though he never took the time to give her a starring role in any of his creations. Some might think he respected her clever mind, but truly his interests lies in women that would give him some time for a little money. . .

Thwack!

Michael pulled his fist away from his face and shook his head out of the gutter. He'd been staying up way too late and drinking entirely too much soda. Those last few lines were just disgusting.

"Hmm," he considered thoughtfully, "how can I make things better?"

"YOU CAN DIE!!!!"

Jumping straight up and out of his chair, Michael turned to find the source of the horrifying voice. It gurgled like a man choking on his own blood and rumbled so deeply Michael's guts had hurt to listen to it. What he found was a formless milky white energy cloud that was arced in red sparks. 

Blinking a few times, Michael checked the time. He had been up pretty late. Almost fifty-two hours, but normally the hallucinations wait until the sixtieth hour or so. He must be losing his endurance for these long writing benders. 

"Stop pontificating, mortal fool!" The roar pushed Michael's bangs from his face. "You have ruined the universe enough with your woefully uninspiring stories!"

"They're not uninspiring! They're experimental!" Michael argued weakly.

"Enough! DIE!"

A collection of red energy burst forth from the white mass and removed Michael from the universe.

Outside, there was much rejoicing.

Jesus Christ stepped out of the energy cloud and looked over his work with much pleasure. "Told you I would be your salvation." He disappeared quietly back up to Heaven.

From that point on the Earth grew and prospered, never to undergo an epidemic of mental disorders raised by the short, hairy Jew.

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Wiped from the universe doesn't mean wiped from existence. Destroying souls was actually against the rules for the workers of Heaven. Instead, souls of corrupt individuals were shoved into other universe and planes of existence that seemed like proper punishment. Michael's unhealthy abuse of the Ranma universe was not seen without a bit of irony. Ordinary people would find being stuck as premier martial artist, Ranma, problematic . . .

An eighteen-year-old woman woke up startled and frantically searched her tastefully decorated room. Hands moving from the sheets to travel up her body and onto her breasts, she cried quietly, "Oh my."

. . . being stuck in the body of goody-goody Kasumi Tendou was Michael's version of Hell.

End Chapter One

***

This could be kind of funny. I think I'll continue ;)

Send C&C to jehtek@hotmail.com

Or visit my website at www.geocities.com/jehtek

Ja ne.


	2. Are Those Stains On My Nice Clean Carpet...

Disclaimer: May not be suitable for children, infants, young adults, adults, men, women, animals, ostriches, and certain minerals. You've been warned.

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Not A Dirty Word

Chapter Two - Are Those Stains on My Nice Clean Carpet?!

By Michael Fetter

Swallowing great gasps of air, Michael jumped out of the bed and stumbled straight into a dresser. Something was wrong, very wrong. Seeing that . . thing . . and getting blasted, he'd expected to be dead or at least wake up a day later after recovering from his exhaustion. And while he did feel refreshed and surprisingly serene everything felt off.

Grimacing, Michael stepped away from the dresser and tried again to balance on his feet. His feet felt smaller and his body was strangely weaker. Fumbling around the room, Michael started searching for a light switch. He made it to a screen door and pulled it aside and found a little moonlight in the hallway. Walking dazedly, he wandered over to an unmarked door and pulled it aside. 

The light went on and he found himself staring at a large clean bathroom that looked nothing like the one in his college apartment. In fact, there hadn't been a hallway in his studio apartment either. Studios were notorious for not having hallways. 

"Where in the heck am I?"

That sounded strange. His voice sounded off. Was he wearing too tight underwear again?

"Sink," Michael mumbled, finding his target, "need to freshen up. I must be half-asleep again." He hoped.

There was a mirror over the sink that Michael glanced at briefly before twisting a knob and dropping his head beneath the faucet. Cold water ran over his scalp and down his back. It shocked him into full alert. Waving a hand around in search of a towel, Michael ultimately gave up and pulled out a large wad of toilet paper to pat his face down with. Taking a deep breath, he looked back at the mirror.

"I'd scream, but that's way too cliche," he said to the woman in the mirror. Slender hands came up to feel the feminine face Michael was now sporting. Nothing like this had ever happened to him before. He was certain. Except for that one time he got drunk on his twenty-first birthday and his friends thought it would be good for him to wear a dress and wake up sleeping next to his roommate. 

The smile on the guy's face hadn't helped Michael's hangover at all.

He knew the series, read it several times, so he also knew the characters, but of all the Ranma 1/2 cast why did he have to get stuck in Kasumi Tendou's body?!

"You're a lot bigger than I thought you would be," Michael noted to himself. The pair of breasts just felt wrong. As well as the lack of proper male genitalia. "What in the heck is going on?"

"Kasumi?"

Michael turned to the door of the bathroom and found a shorter girl with long hair peer inside.

Akane yawned deeply and rubbed a hand over her eyes. "Is something wrong?"

Wow, she was sort of hot, Michael thought to himself. Akane was dressed in some frumpy looking pajamas made yellow with dancing cats. Long, blue-black hair fell from her head down to her lower back. Big brown eyes, cute round face, and Michael could tell there was a rather nice, lean body hidden beneath the bit of cotton.

Akane squirmed at her older sister's rather long appraisal. "Kasumi?"

"Huh?" Michael shook himself and tried to grin a bit. "I'm fine, Akane. I was just a little light-headed."

"Are you sick?" Akane looked concerned and seemed to not know what to do if Kasumi was ill. "Can I do anything?"

Michael let a shudder go through his . . . her body before snapping himself out of it. "No. I'll just go back to bed."

Akane frowned, but nodded her head. "If you're sure."

The bathroom door closed and Michael returned to the mirror and frowned. "What in the dippity-dang is going on?"

He had the strange desire to wash his mouth out with soap after that.

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A year later, Michael was finally getting the hang of being Kasumi. The first few weeks had been hard to explain to the rest of the Tendou family so they had contributed the strange behavior and mental lapse to sickness. Dealing with Dr. Tofu had been amusing at best and destructive at the worst. A very quick recovery was made after Akane's first attempt at cooking dinner. That had caused the real sickness.

After becoming stuck in this new body, Michael also learned a certain set of social behaviors and modifiers had been added to his mind. It restricted him from becoming too un-Kasumi-like. It also gave him knowledge like how to speak Japanese and household skills that he'd never known before. His face paled when he realized he could also count the days between 'her' monthlies. 

Someone was going to pay for this.

In the meantime, Michael tried to find out why he'd been placed here. There were no notes or lightning bolt messages from Kami-sama. This was definitely the Ranma universe though. His . . Her father, Soun, had cried for days when he learned Kasumi had been sick. He then cried when she 'recovered'. Just for scientific reasons, Michael set up some measuring drums beside the old man and told him she was a lesbian. 

Soun had collapsed at three liters due to dehydration.

Being Kasumi wasn't very difficult. Cooking, cleaning, and averting a few disasters left quite a bit of free time for the 'girl'. Kasumi made use of the free time in the dojo. She'd had a black belt in Tae Kwon Do back in her other life and Kasumi's body just felt way to girlie for her. So 'she' worked out during her free time with instructions from her father. He was sworn to secrecy so Kasumi didn't feel too worried about getting in the way of the Ranma 1/2 story whenever that was to start. It would be fun to watch from the inside like this.

After a few hours of training with her father, Kasumi took a bath and started dusting around the house. No work, no college, and free training, Kasumi was rather pleased with the setup and could deal with a little housework in exchange. Going over the living room, Kasumi started humming 'Until It Sleeps' by Metallica. It sounded sweet with the Kasumi voice.

Sitting by the back door, Soun smiled as he watched his eldest daughter move about the house doing chores with that strange exuberance. For years, Kasumi had taken over as matriarch in the family to care for her sisters, but she'd always seemed not altogether there. She smiled, but there was no real life behind it. The past year had seen a real change in the young woman, however. After the strange business with her 'sickness' Kasumi had reinvented herself. Dr. Tofu seemed to think Kasumi had come to some sort of catharsis concerning her mother's death. Soun hadn't even thought Kasumi still thought about it, but now that he'd seen her opening up it warmed his heart. When Kasumi asked if he could help her train again, Soun was sure Kasumi was well on the road to becoming the true heir to the Tendou School of Anything Goes once again.

Without hesitation, Soun released a wail of tears. "Oh, Kasumi! You make your father so proud!"

Pausing in her cleaning, Kasumi just shrugged at the odd man and left for another room. The decibels that man could reach was annoying.

Kasumi entered Akane's bedroom to 'tidy' it up. The morning fights with Kuno and his hentai horde had started up this school year and it made Akane frustrated enough to make a mess of her room. Tucking in the sheets of Akane's bed, Kasumi pulled out a new "Chicks With Dicks" magazine from beneath the mattress. 

Akane was a real piece of work the way she went on about perverts and then leaving stuff like this lying around. Kasumi had thought it hilarious until she came across the large purple dildo in her own underwear drawer. Kasumi spent ten minutes scrubbing her body with a brush after tossing that bit of . . . rubber in the garbage.

"We're home!"

Tucking the magazine away again, Kasumi set a few of Akane's barbells to the side just as the girl made it to her room. Kasumi smiled brightly. "How was your day?"

Little, guileless Akane retold her sister of Tatewaki's many faults and then set about doing her homework. 

"That's nice," said Kasumi as she left the room. She'd gotten good at holding a straight face in front of the young girl. Inside her head she was howling with laughter.

Nabiki met Kasumi in the hallway as she was heading for the furo with her after school clothes in her arms. "Hi, oneechan. What's for dinner?"

"I haven't decided yet," Kasumi shrugged while still holding a pleasant smile. "Was there something special you wanted?"

Shaking her head, Nabiki preceded Kasumi down the stairs. "Anything you make is good to me."

Following Nabiki into the furo, Kasumi began to disrobe right beside her 'sister'. After a year of this Nabiki had gotten used to Kasumi taking baths with her. Nabiki probably just thought Kasumi enjoyed chatting while relaxing in the hot water.

Her eyes lingering on the swaying bottom in front of her, Kasumi took a seat behind her sister and started washing her back after rinsing her with cold water. "How is school going, Nabiki? Are things going well?"

"Sure. It's business as usual. How about you?"

Kasumi dumped some cold water over the girl's back and swiveled around on her stool. Slipping into gossiping mode, Kasumi told her sister the news about Tanaka at the grocery story and the next door neighbor getting a new pet dog. Nabiki made her usual noncommittal grunts and they finished cleaning up before entering the furo. 

For the next ten minutes Kasumi was careful to keep a string of trivial dialogue going while her eyes wandered over Nabiki's naked form. It was the closest she ever got to getting laid since arriving in this universe. Especially since she refused any of the advances men would make at her. 

"Well," Nabiki toweled herself off after getting out of the furo. "I'm going to go do my homework. Call me whenever dinner is ready."

"Okay." Kasumi continued to smile as her sister left the room. While the experience was pleasantly frustrating, she'd gotten good at holding back the drool every time she saw Nabiki naked. Damn, she was one hot chick.

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Paused in the middle of dicing up some tofu, Kasumi found her father sticking his head into the kitchen. "Kasumi."

"Yes, father?"

"Family meeting in the living room."

Nodding to the man, she checked the heat of the pots on the stove and turned them down to a simmer. Kasumi thought she'd seen a postcard in the mail today. Things were moving right on schedule, and soon the fun would begin.

Heading for the table, Kasumi heard her father calling out for her other sisters. Nabiki was in her room and Akane had just passed her by wearing a yellow gi and heading for the dojo. Kasumi had watched the younger girl work out before and was fairly certain she could beat the tomboy in a match. After all of this time, Akane still only had a basic understanding of the Art and almost nothing of Anything Goes. The girl was too stubborn to ask for real training from father even after he offered. 

Soun might be a wreck after his wife's death, but he still functioned enough to take care of his daughters. All Kasumi ever needed to do was ask and her father would help in any way he could. He even taught a few classes during the day, children's classes.

Walking proudly into the living room, Soun sat down with tears streaming down his cheeks. Nabiki followed a moment later dressed in a kimono for some reason and finishing off the Popsicle in her mouth. "Have you seen Akane, oneechan?"

Making a show of thinking, Kasumi nodded. "I believe she left for the dojo, Nabiki."

Nodding in response, Nabiki headed in that direction. Kasumi reached over for the teakettle and poured her father some tea and watched the man finger a small postcard in his hands. When Nabiki returned with Akane their father began.

"I have wonderful news for you girls. Today, one of you will be getting a fiancé and will carry on the Anything Goes legacy."

"WHAT?!"

Kasumi allowed herself to look shocked while she watched her sisters fly into a panic. Nabiki tried to remain calm, but Kasumi could see the same anger in her eyes that Akane never bothered to suppress.

"I'm not getting engaged to some pervert boy!"

Nodding with Akane, Kasumi put a hand to her cheek. "Oh, father, was that a good idea?"

"It's a matter of family honor," Soun told them solemnly, "he's the son of my friend, Saotome. We trained together under the same master for many years."

Frowning, Nabiki asked, "So what's this guy like?"

Drawing himself up further, Soun opened his mouth, closed it, and finished lamely, "I don't know."

"You don't know," Nabiki repeated flatly.

"He could be some sort of hentai pervert for we all know!" Akane added helpfully. Every conversation Kasumi had had with the girl always seemed to turn to perverts. The only people Akane was really comfortable talking about were her little friends Yuka and Sayuri.

There had been a number of slumber parties over summer break. Kasumi never regretted a moment spent hanging upside down outside of Akane's window watching those girls together.

"Ranma and his father have just finished off a ten-year training trip and are returning from China now," said Soun.

"Ooh, China." Nabiki perked up at the thought of the money required to take a silly trip to mainland. "So, is he cute?"

"I hope he's not too young," Kasumi added with the hint of a smile. "Young men are so . . . young." She should get an award for this.

Sweating under the questioning, Soun gasped in relief at the sounds of a struggle at the door. Without rising, Kasumi watched with amusement as Nabiki and Soun rushed for the door. At her side, Akane was still steaming with anger in her seat. 

"Exciting, isn't it?"

". . ." Akane stared at her blankly and then turned to the hallway at the sound of screaming.

Rushing back into the living room, Nabiki and Soun hid behind Akane as a large panda holding a bundle over one shoulder followed them.

"Are these friends of yours, father?" Nabiki's voice trembled as she tried to hide her fear with a joke.

Soun adamantly shook his head. 

"So a panda just decided to show up at our doorstep?"

Swallowing, Soun took a step forward, remembering he was supposed to defend his daughters. 

"Let me go, old man! You're scaring them spitless!"

From her seat at the table, Kasumi watched with amusement as Ranma-chan is first introduced to the Tendou's. The little, buxom redhead was cute. She also looked incredibly depressed until Soun shocks her by picking her up in a bear hug. 

"I wonder if I'm the reason Nabiki grabs her breast," Kasumi absently thought. There wasn't any other reason she could think of for Nabiki's rather brazen approach to identifying the redhead.

"He is a girl," Nabiki announced.

Soun fainted.

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"I assumed Genma's son would be a boy," Soun whined pitifully. He was lying on the floor with a towel over his forehead. Kasumi and her sisters sat at the table opposite of Ranma and the panda for the moment.

Nabiki reached over and bounced the redhead's generous proportions in her hand. "Does this look like a boy to you, daddy? Some fiancé this is."

"Could you please not do that?"

"Nabiki," Akane leapt up from the table with a little spring in her step. "Leave her alone. He's . . She's a guest."

Smirking, Kasumi watched the two girls smile at each other and then leave for the dojo for their first match. Knowing what she did of her baby sister, Kasumi could see the lust in the girl's eyes and could understand why Akane would be so easy-going about losing to Ranma in a few moments. 

Nabiki left with a snort of disgust while Soun studied the panda sitting beside him. Shrugging her shoulders, Kasumi left for the kitchen to finish preparing dinner.

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Taking her time with the food, Kasumi started thinking over what was to come. She was fairly certain she could recall each of Ranma's little adventures and wondered if she should interject herself into any of them. She already planned to continue her training. Learning to harness her ki looked very interesting and she'd probably be able to salvage some of the magical artifacts along the way for her own use. Maybe she could use the Nanban mirror to get back home.

Kasumi had much to consider. Even if she could get back home it would likely be in this body and no one at home would recognize her or even believe her tale. At least here she'd be taken care of. Kasumi had started borrowing medical books from Dr. Tofu to study shiatsu points and ki exercises. Some of it was fascinating, but most of it was vague ramblings. She'd need help to understand it all.

"AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!"

Smiling to herself, Kasumi turned down the burners again to watch her half-dressed sister grab a statue out of the backyard and lift it over her head. "I'll weigh the pervert down in the tub!"

"Why didn't you just kill him with your bare hands?" Nabiki sucked idly at her soda with a straw.

Large, panicky eyes, Akane stared at her sister, "Because I was scared!"

Kasumi knew she should feel bad. She just knew it. It was there, hiding. Oh well, she'd feel bad about it later. For now she would enjoy her little joke at her sister's expense. Foreknowledge was to be used for the forces of good.

From the hallway, a damp boy entered the room with a hand behind his head and a sheepish grin on his face. 

"Who are you?" Nabiki asked.

Tugging at his pigtail, the boy bowed once. "I'm Ranma Saotome. Sorry about this."

Attempting to look completely vacuous, Kasumi asked, "Will you be joining us for dinner as well?"

Nabiki stared at her strangely while Soun cleared his throat and called them all into the living room again. Sitting beside her sisters, Kasumi stared at Ranma and Genma sitting across from them.

Stroking his long mustache, Soun indicated the bald man, "This is my friend-"

"Genma Saotome." The man bowed. He wasn't terribly overweight, but he was getting a little big around the waist. Nodding to Ranma, "This is my son-"

"Ranma Saotome," said the boy as he bowed.

Cocking her head to one side, Kasumi asked, "You're that girl from before?"

Genma put a hand to his forehead and considered, "How do I best explain?" Picking up his son by his collar, Genma tossed the complaining boy into the koi pond.

Kasumi blinked when she saw a few fish float to the surface beside the redhead. That hadn't been in the manga. "Now he's a girl."

"Whadja do that for?!" Ranma-chan complained.

"Oh what a worthless son I've been cursed with. To be so easily cursed to become a woman!"

Jumping out of the water, Ranma back-kicked her father into the water. "You're one to talk, oyaji!"

After another quick stop in the furo, the meeting was continued. Genma stared dramatically at nothing while his glasses reflected light into everyone's eyes causing the Tendous to wince.

"It was terrible. The boy and I headed for our last stop before returning to Japan. I immediately sensed something off about the strange training grounds and warned the boy, but like the foolish child he is, he refused to listen and goaded me into a fight over the springs."

Kasumi rolled her eyes. This was going to take a while with the way Genma edited his story. Knowing the story already, Kasumi watched the reactions of her sisters and father. Soun was crying again over the dedication Genma and Ranma have for the Art. Nabiki was listening to the story with open skepticism and Akane was glaring at Ranma with open hostility. How she and Ranma were supposed to get together eventually was beyond Kasumi. Maybe that was something she could help along?

Kasumi considered that briefly. If she handled a bit of the damage control then Ranma and Akane may not get into as many fights and that would make less trouble for her as well. Cleaning up after all of those fights will probably chew up a lot of Kasumi time otherwise. Maybe she could get the Amazons and Ryouga to use the doors rather than making their own doorways.

In the story, everyone obeyed Kasumi because she was a sweet, kind, and innocent girl that everyone respected. Kasumi gagged at the idea of ever being that girlie, but it made people easy to manipulate. And now that she thought about it, Kasumi could probably get Nabiki to do it all for her.

"My life, yes, but my not my manhood!"

Picking up her cue, Kasumi stood up and waved her finger at the panda. "Really, Mr. Saotome, you went too far."

"What's this?" Nabiki picked up a small pamphlet that had slipped out of Genma's gi. "A guide to famous Chinese training grounds? You don't speak Chinese do you Mr. Saotome?"

[Bingo]

"Stupid, old man!" Ranma-chan growled and picked up her fight with her father again. 

Snatching a new pot of tea from the table, Soun lifted the kettle over his friend's head and turned him back to human form. "So the curses are reversed with hot water."

Genma gasped as the steaming water hit his head. "Hot water! Not boiling!"

Ignoring the complaint, Soun moved on to Ranma. "And you turn into a girl with cold water, but hot water turns you back to normal." Ranma jumped out of the way of the water, but could not avoid Soun as he took hold of her shoulders. "Your problem isn't so bad then."

"It isn't?" Ranma-chan asked, confused.

"Today you meet your fiancée and join the two schools of Anything Goes." Soun smiled happily at Ranma's slightly panicked look as he made eye contact with Akane.

"Your father and I have already discussed the matter and we feel we know who would make the best match for you."

Kasumi blinked. Something wasn't right.

"She's the heir to the Tendou School of Anything Goes and should make an excellent housewife for you."

Picking up her tea, Kasumi tried her darndest not to laugh. Akane couldn't boil water and she was supposed to be a good housewife?

Soun gestured to one of his daughters. "My eldest daughter, Kasumi, nineteen, and my heir. I'm so happy!"

Kasumi spat out her tea and stared at her father.

"Growf," went the wet panda.

Akane and Nabiki paused in mid complaint at their father's announcement.

Staring at Ranma-chan for a moment, Kasumi only had time for one thought before she tipped over in a faint. 

At least he's a woman half of the time.

End Chapter Two

***

Hmm, I'm not sure what sort of pairing this is going to turn into. So don't ask. 

Okay, as for Kasumi's skill, well, a year where she had top level training from her father for several hours a day, she'd get pretty good. I figured that Akane isn't really an Anything Goes student since she hasn't exactly been taught by an Anything Goes master for ten years. She learned her undisciplined Art on her own.

Send C&C to jehtek@hotmail.com

Or visit my website at www.geocities.com/jehtek

Ja ne.


	3. Letting Things Out To Dry

Disclaimer: I disclaim that henceforth all disclaimers disclaiming disclaimers shall be naught of mine kin! So spoketh the Lord Disclaimer. On with the story!

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Not A Dirty Word

Chapter Three - Letting Things out To Dry

By Michael Fetter

"Oh my." Though Kasumi would rather be swearing a blue streak she didn't want to blow her cover completely. She woke up half an hour later with a washcloth on her forehead. Nabiki sat to her side with an amused looking smirk and Akane was pacing by her feet with an angry scowl. Playing innocent, Kasumi turned to Nabiki, "Did something happen?"

"You seemed to have gotten yourself a fiancé," Nabiki replied. 

"I can't believe him," Akane growled as she made another circuit. "Trying to marry you off to that pervert and calling you his heir like all of my hard work meant nothing."

"Did father say that?" Kasumi asked nervously. She didn't want anyone to know about that. Martial artists seemed to get drawn into Ranma's fights in one way or another. While the Art can be fun, having it also be dangerous was not a part of Kasumi's plan. "But why would father say that?"

Nabiki shrugged, honestly not knowing the reason behind her father's words. The idea of sweet, gentle Kasumi being a powerful martial artist was just preposterous.

"He should have picked me if he wanted to have the heir marry Ranma." Akane continued to stomp and Kasumi noted that the tea had spilled onto the floor. She'd have to clean that up later. Glaring into a corner of the room, Akane growled, "Baka."

Following her little sister's gaze, Kasumi found the three men cowering or unconscious in the corner of the room. Her father seemed to have designed a fort made of the couch cushions and was waving a little white flag. "Don't forget to put those back when you're done playing, father."

Soun instantly jumped to his feet, the bruises covering his face turning it into a lumpy, purple mass. "You really must tell your sister's the truth now, Kasumi. You do make the best choice for a fiancée since you would make a good housewife and hold the highest rank in our school."

Akane stopped, her eye twitching, and stared hard at her father. She'd worked each of the men over pretty good and was considering perfecting the down stroke with her mallet. "What do you mean, daddy?! I'm the only one who practices our style anymore."

"Please, any decent martial artist could tell Kasumi's better'n you are, ya stupid tomboy," said Ranma. He was currently 'resting' half-embedded in the floor. "I could tell just by the way she moves."

Frowning, Kasumi picked herself up and arranged her fallen cup back on the table. "I'm not sure I know what you mean, Ranma-kun. Akane is much better than I am." Kasumi pinched herself to hold off the sarcasm. She really didn't want to get engaged to a guy.

"Yeah- . . You train, Kasumi?" Akane suddenly asked.

Big, shiny eyes, Kasumi blinked innocently at her sister. "Well, I do have some free time while you and Nabiki are at school, Akane."

"Oh," Akane responded lamely. "I always thought you sat around and baked or something."

Cheery, inane smile. "I do that too. And read some of Tofu-sensei's books and do the chores and shopping. I'm sure you train much more than I do."

It was meant to sound encouraging for Akane, instead Kasumi saw the girl cringe away guiltily. 

"Actually," Soun interjected, "You're the only one who trains in the Tendou School of Anything Goes, Kasumi. Akane only bothered to learn some kempo and a few weapon styles on her own."

Akane's shame doubled as her face turned crimson. Nabiki sat quietly as she watched the struggle twist within Akane and Kasumi. While she knew that Kasumi was a smart enough person to graduate high school near the top of her class, she always thought it had been suppressed by her older sister's innocence. Could it be that her sweet, gentle, caring older sister was a master of deception the likes of which even the Ice Queen of Furinkan could not compete against?

Firming her jaw, Akane turned on Kasumi and pointed a finger. "I challenge you to see who is the best!"

Nabiki face-faulted to the floor. Even if Kasumi had deceived them she still knew not to take it out on her older sister. Kasumi had been nothing but a saint since mother died. "Akane . . ."

"Oh my," Kasumi put a hand to her cheek, "are you sure we should do this, Akane?"

Akane's resolve began to falter as she looked at her sister. Kasumi didn't look strong enough to battle a kitten. The three men remained in the corner watching the proceedings calmly. She wouldn't lose face in front of two masters of Anything Goes and it's heir. "If you practice Anything Goes then you know you can't back out of a challenge!"

Kasumi frowned in front of her family for maybe the first time since she got there. Akane cringed at the terrible onslaught of any dark emotion, but held firm. Kasumi was not going to get engaged to Ranma. She could probably get Nabiki to help her out of this rather quickly. It would also do Kasumi some good to beat the snot out of her little sister after holding back for so long. Even after living with the Tendou's for a year, Kasumi still held some resentment for the hypocritical man-hater. "I suppose you're right, but we should take care of this now before dinner burns."

Blinking, Akane nodded and swallowed hard. Could she really fight her older sister? Kasumi had taken care of Nabiki and herself for so long. To actually fight with Kasumi felt like breaking some holy law. Thou shalt not smite thy eldest sister. "R-Right."

Kasumi wasn't exactly wearing something fit for fighting in, but it would have to do. Akane was still in her gi. Kasumi could get hers, but the fight wasn't likely to last long and if the fish cooked for much longer it would dry out. So standing in the dojo in her simple, blue housedress and apron, Kasumi assumed a fighting stance against her aggressive little sister.

Akane swallowed the huge amount of self-loathing she felt when facing against Kasumi. All her older sister had to do was concede and it would be over. So why didn't she? Kasumi couldn't really be planning to face her, could she? Akane dropped back into a fighting stance as well.

The two fathers stood silently, though Soun had tears running down his eyes as he watched. Ranma tried to look bored about all of this, but he was also concerned that if either girl got hurt it would be his fault for starting it. The worst part was trying to decide whom he wanted to win. 

Nabiki stood in the center and raised her arm. "Ready?"

"Just concede, Kasumi," Akane pleaded.

Cocking her head and loosening her stance a little more, Kasumi said, "But a student of Anything Goes never gives up."

Grimacing, Nabiki dropped her hand. "Fight!"

Hoping to finish this quickly, without hurting Kasumi too much, Akane rushed forward.

Relaxed and ready, Kasumi slapped Akane's fist to one side and slammed her palm into her sister's forehead with a loud smack. 

Akane fell back, unconscious, a second later.

Astonished, Kasumi stared at her sister for a long time. She knew she was good, but she didn't think she could beat Akane that easily even if Akane had been holding back. "Oh my."

Nabiki boggled at the sight and was understandably unable to remove her jaw from the floor.

Bending down, Kasumi put two fingers against Akane's neck and waited for a moment before heading back for the house. "I should get back to dinner. It should be ready in a little while everyone."

"Not bad," Ranma remarked as he trotted into the house after Kasumi.

Soun still stood in the same place with tears rushing down his cheeks. He wasn't sure whether he should be happy for Kasumi or wailing over his hurt baby girl. He settled for doing impressions of lawn ornaments.

"Quite a girl you got there, Tendou." Genma followed his son. That Kasumi girl was skilled and should be quite a cook. A perfect match for his worthless son!

-------------------------------------------------------------------

She said nothing, saw nothing, heard nothing. Akane had cut herself off almost completely. Her world had been shattered. The carefully constructed image she had of herself had been torn down by someone she had trusted more than anyone else. The one who had taken care of her, made her bentos for school, cleaned her room, who couldn't harm a spider, had utterly betrayed her. 

How long had Kasumi been training? Was it true that she was the only real student? Akane had taught herself and learned from fights she got into at school, but she'd always thought she been using Anything Goes. Her father was a crybaby so she'd simply assumed . . .

Kasumi watched her little sister from across the table. Akane had gone straight to bed after the match and refused to speak with her about it. Beating the girl was one thing, but Kasumi was going to be in this universe for a while it seemed, and losing Akane so early would make problems. Would this mean all of those princes would come after her instead?

Refilling Ranma's rice bowl, Kasumi set it down in front of her fiancé. She was seated by her father as always, but now Ranma sat beside her and Genma further down. The two Saotomes sparred over breakfast so they sat together, but the father's also wanted Kasumi to be comfortable next to Ranma. 

Glancing down at her own bowl, Kasumi noticed Ranma had been defending her against Genma's attempts to steal something. "Mr. Saotome, would you please mind your manners at this table."

This caused everyone to pause and look blankly at Kasumi. She flushed at the attention and forgetting her role. She thought the food fighting was funny in the manga, but it was not so in real life. And well . . . if she was getting stuck in the middle of Ranma's adventures then she was going to take some control. "You and Ranma-kun can play your game when no one else is eating at the table."

Coughing politely into his fist, Genma nodded his head to Kasumi. It was best not to anger such a good cook. "Yes, you're quite right, Kasumi. Ranma has already mastered this technique anyway." With that he went to consuming his own breakfast.

Ranma looked confused for a while, not quite sure how to continue. He and Kasumi hadn't talked much yesterday, and while she had a lot of nice qualities, he wasn't sure how he felt about her and could not figure out how to start a conversation with her. So he remained quiet as well.

Lost in thought, Kasumi picked at her breakfast slowly. The only one who had shown her any support was Nabiki. Her sister had wanted to know everything Kasumi had been doing during her days and for once had paid attention. 

Soun just seemed pleased with things and buried himself in his paper.

Akane and Nabiki finally stood up and got ready for school. 

"Shouldn't you be getting ready, Ranma?" Kasumi asked. 

Ranma stared at her blankly. "For what?"

"School, boy! I can't have my heir becoming an ignorant martial artist!" Genma bellowed and shoved a book bag into Ranma's arms. The boy stared at it and shrugged indifferently. He gobbled down the rest of his breakfast and stood up.

Turning to her sisters, Kasumi looked to Nabiki, "Would you-?"

Nabiki smirked and followed her little sister out the front door. "C'mon, Ranma-kun, you're going to the same school as Akane and me. We'll show you the way." 

Thinking for a moment, Kasumi started picking up dishes and carrying them to the kitchen. "Father, would you be ready when I'm done cleaning up?"

"Of course, Kasumi," said Soun as he began folding up his paper. Smiling at his friend, "How about a quick spar before my daughter is ready to continue her training, Saotome?"

Nodding, Saotome patted his full belly and grinned. "After you, Tendou."

---------------------------------------------------------------------

It shouldn't have happened.

Michael had gone over it in his head again and again. No matter how much skill he might've learned during the past year, there was no way he should have been able to beat Akane that easily. The girl had been training since she was kid. Her brute strength and battle ready reflexes should have kept the fight going.

This just wasn't adding up in Michael's head. He was fairly certain of his strength in this form and that shouldn't be at all comparable to Akane's. So how?

Resting on his back in the dojo, Michael raised his head to see his father waiting patiently for him to stand up again. Genma was over to the side, sometimes adding his own advice to help her training since there was nothing else to do. 

"Father?" Soun wasn't really his father, but in a way he was at the same time. Michael chose to think of this as an apprenticeship, where he worked off his training and lodging with chores. Taking advantage of the Kasumi persona also had its added benefits, but continuing in this way might be unnecessary, even dangerous if he wasn't ready for what was to come. Somehow Michael knew the chaos normally surrounding Ranma and Akane would be coming after him now. "How did I beat Akane? She is still much stronger than I am, isn't she?"

Soun raised an eyebrow at her and looked to Saotome then back. "You know the answer to that, Kasumi. I have been attempting to guide you in your pursuit for some months now with the help of Dr. Tofu's books."

Michael sat up and puzzled that over. The books? His eyes shot open and he stared at Soun. "Was I using my ki to increase my speed and strength?"

Smiling, Soun nodded. "Yes, you've done very well in gaining control of your ki in only a year of training."

"A year?" Genma sounded surprised. How long did this usually take? Resetting his glasses on his nose, Genma stared at Kasumi a little harder. He blinked a few times at what he found and offered a bemused smile. "I did not know you can build an effective aura with a core of serenity. It is quite strong for only a year."

Michael stared at Genma with shock. Her aura . . . was noteworthy? The man could be just trying to play nice with the chef, but Michael actually believed Genma's words. Despite his idiocy, Genma did take the Art seriously. 

This was . . . This was fantastic! She'd actually begun to use her aura for real! She wanted to become strong to see what it would be like, but dreaming and holding this reality in her hands were different things. She felt a great sense of accomplishment and smiled broadly at the two men. 

Floating on a cloud of pride, Michael jumped back up to her feet and took a ready stance for her father to continue the training. Soun nodded with a grin and the day went on.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Kasumi floated as she went through her day's chores. Her father didn't cry once the entire time as she glided into the room to take care of their needs and then move on to some cleaning or cooking. She was feeling so good in fact that by the time everyone was returning home that Kasumi was just pulling out a sheet of chocolate chip cookies.

Nabiki and Ranma followed their noses right to the snacks and dropped one each in their mouths before Kasumi had a chance to warn them. Waving their hands, both teens took turns fixing their lips to the running faucet. 

Smiling with amusement, Kasumi said, "You may want to wait a few minutes since the cookies just came out of the oven."

"I suppose so," Nabiki commented dryly while scooping a few onto a plate and then grabbing a glass of milk. Ranma promptly followed suit and hesitated at the door to the kitchen. 

He looked at her, the cookies, then the floor with his face flushed. "Uh, thanks."

"You're welcome, Ranma."

Nodding shyly, Ranma rushed out of the kitchen to do his homework.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Standing in the park after dinner, Kasumi watched the setting sun reflecting against the small lake. There weren't many people out now so she could have time to herself. Her family respected her privacy and accepted any excuse she made to leave the house on her own.

"So, I'm gaining control of my ki?" Kasumi liked that, but where would she go with it?

The bushes behind her rustled a bit.

"I wonder if I could become as good as Ranma and his little friends. I'd have to train even harder and focus on my ki." Kasumi did have knowledge in all of those pressure points and if her ki was manifesting then the meditation exercises might start getting easier. What she really needed to do was flex her ki like a muscle. In the manga, Ranma's ki grew stronger by actively using it so maybe that would be a better way to go.

"It might have just been a fluke though," Kasumi considered. "Akane is certainly an above average fighter. Maybe I did just get lucky. I'll have to test myself then."

Now what was she going to do with this power? "I can't just end up some housewife and I haven't gone to college so I can't get a very decent career." Well, maybe she could join some branch of the military, but that didn't sound too appealing. Taking orders had never been her thing and it would remove her from the excitement in Nerima.

"Excitement?" she ran the word around in her head. Yes, the adventures Ranma would be having would be exciting. "If I'm caught in the middle of it now like I think I am then I want to enjoy it too."

Smiling, Kasumi started to stroll towards one of the larger shadows. "Yes, I'll train to become the best martial artist I can be."

"That isn't going to help you now, lady," stated a voice from the trees. A man came out holding a knife in one hand. "Scream and you're dead."

Looking cheery and innocent, Kasumi nodded her head. "Hello Scumbag-san, I've been waiting for you."

"Huh?" The man lunged at her.

A few minutes later Kasumi was finishing up her story for the police officer that had arrived at the scene of the attack. Kasumi's assailant was resting on the ground with a web of cracks surrounding his face on the sidewalk.

The officer stared lamely at Kasumi. He knew her, like almost everyone did, and knew she was a gentle creature. Looking at the thief, the officer shrugged his shoulders finally. "Well, it was very fortunate that he 'tripped' before reaching you. Can I escort you home, Kasumi-san?"

"No, I'm sure you're very busy, Officer Higashi. Have a nice night."

"And you." Grinning absently, the officer pulled the criminal to his feet, hands cuffed behind his back. "You shouldn't have messed with Kasumi. A number of the guys at the station are friends of hers and they won't like this very much." The man shuddered and the officer patted him on the back. "Start screaming early and you might walk away from it."

Kasumi strolled home with determination in her eyes. Things were going to change and she knew just where to start.

End Chapter Three

***

Ok, I'll have you know that I'm a black belt in Tae Kwon Do. So I could probably get this good with a year of heavy training. Maybe. . . . Shut up! I'm trying to feel good about myself! Where's my mirror? I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and, gosh darn it, people like me. Twinkle.

Send C&C to jehtek@hotmail.com

Or visit my website at www.geocities.com/jehtek

Ja ne.


	4. Just A Dash Of Seasoning

Disclaimer: . . . Shhh, Be vawy, vawy quiet. I'm hunting trademark regulations. Huhuhuhu! . . .

****

Not A Dirty Word

Chapter Four - Just A Dash of Seasoning

By Michael Fetter

It sizzled. 

Kasumi took in the aroma wafting up from the cooking pan. For a year she had been eating nothing but fish and rice. Japanese food was just so boring. Where was the bacon and eggs? French toast and breakfast burritos? There wasn't even an IHOP around here. That was real food, not miso soup. There was only so much of that Kasumi could take.

Admittedly, this wasn't as radical a change as Kasumi was originally thinking of, but it was a start.

"What's that smell, oneechan?"

Kasumi smiled as Nabiki entered the kitchen. The girl was a horrible morning person, but a little change and she seemed completely awake. "I'm trying something knew for breakfast. Pancakes!"

Blinking, Nabiki looked at the odd round thing and shrugged. It wasn't like Akane was experimenting. Kasumi's creations always turned out good so she wouldn't say anything, not when they smelled that good.

"Could you take the syrup and butter to the table, please?"

Nodding with a yawn, Nabiki did as she was bade. "Sure thing, Kasumi."

Akane returned from her morning jog just as Kasumi was getting finished. Returning from a quick bath, she sat down beside Nabiki and her father for breakfast. It looked as if Akane had put her defeat behind her already. 

"Probably blocked it from memory," Kasumi thought. She set down the plates and glasses of milk before heading to the backyard where Ranma and his father were exchanging blows over the koi pond. Waiting for just the right moment, Kasumi broke their concentration, "Breakfast is ready."  
SPLASH!

The short redhead and panda sat up in the koi pond with looks of confusion on their face as they found Kasumi smiling at them from the door. 

Kasumi had no intentions of going through with the engagement, but she also wasn't into aggressive tactics, so she tried to be subtle. Innocently ignoring situations, making just the right comments, and getting Ranma drenched ought to push him away. And in the meantime, Kasumi did like the way Ranma-chan's muscle-t clung to her breasts.

"Thanks, Kasumi," Ranma dried herself off with a towel and sat down at the table. 

"Of course, Ranma-chan." The cursed boy winced at that and Kasumi pretended not to notice. Breakfast went slowly as people followed Kasumi's example to eating the western breakfast. Kasumi gave it no mind.

"Oh, Akane," Kasumi pointed at a book near the front door, "could you return that to Dr. Tofu for me?"

Akane blinked and nodded her head.

Wait, wasn't she supposed to decline? Kasumi grimaced internally. If things were already getting this far off the story line then Kasumi was going to have a harder time of predicting what was to come. She'll stop by the clinic anyway just to make sure.

With a smile on her face, Akane finished breakfast and picked up the medical book. 

"That was great, Kasumi," Ranma complimented as he too finished up, "later."

Hmm, Ranma hardly reacted to Akane. Could it be loyalty or did he really not care for the girl. Kasumi was going to have to study the relationships of people around the house more carefully.

------------------------------------------------------------------

It was time to train. Kasumi set herself solidly in the backyard and stared hard at the koi pond. Father and Saotome-san were seated by the porch watching her progress. She was still tired after the morning sparring, but she was determined to strengthen her aura.

"Take it slowly, Kasumi," her father advised. "Let the energy fill your senses and breathe it in with your heart."

"See it with your spirit," Genma added.

"Yes, sensei." Kasumi closed her eyes and took slow, deep breaths. She could hear the wind flowing through the trees, the fish breaking the surface of the pond, and her heart beat out a cadence alongside them.

"Such spirit the girl has, Tendou," Genma remarked.

Soun nodded with a smile. "I don't know what came over her, but Kasumi has become truly focused upon the Art recently."

"Then it must be fate," Genma cheered. "Kasumi and my boy were meant for each other!"

"Oh, I'm so happy!" Soun cried a river of tears. "My little girl is going to get married! WAHH!!"

Frowning, Kasumi tuned the two men out. She needed to focus. Maybe if she were to somehow become better than Ranma she could get out of this mess without any help at all. Not likely, but it would definitely turn Ranma off to have a fiancée stronger than him. Clenching down on her aura, Kasumi finally released what she had gathered.

The two celebrating men were suddenly knocked out of their seats as a great white light bathed the area. 

Genma stared with wide eyes. He felt a tightening pressure around his heart when he looked at Kasumi's aura. "Tendou, she's . . ."

Soun stared dumbly. The shock wave caused by Kasumi's aura had nearly given him an aneurysm. This was just so . . .

Over in the yard, Kasumi smiled brilliantly as clouds suddenly parted and a bright golden ray of sun shown down on her. Everything seemed to sparkle and glow with new health. Dying flowers bloomed, the koi danced in their pond, and small woodland creatures appeared around the girl. A small songbird even landed on Kasumi's finger and began whistling "You Are My Sunshine". Kasumi was fairly certain she could pick up the scent of roses hanging in the air as well.

Such sweetness! Soun and Genma staggered away from the scene with a need to brush their teeth before they rotted and fell out of their mouths.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

It was close to the end of the school day when Kasumi stepped out of the house with a plate of cookies. "I'll be back in a bit, father."

"All right, Kasumi."

It wasn't far to the clinic and it was on the way to Akane's high school. Not finding the girl on the way, Kasumi assumed that meant she was with Ranma at the clinic. All she would have to do is walk in and-

"K-K-Kasumi! Fancy meeting you here!"

Kasumi smiled innocently at the sound of fleeing patients and a terrible cracking sound. "You're so silly, Dr. Tofu. I came over to thank you for lending me your book with some cookies."

The man was a few inches taller than Kasumi herself. Wearing a black gi and glasses, he looked like a beginning martial artist rather than a chiropractor. As his glasses began to fog up his body started moving on it's own. "How nice!"

She rolled her eyes as the man took the plate of cookies and began biting into the plate itself. "Oh, Dr. Tofu, you're so funny."

Kasumi watched in amusement as the good doctor made an ass out of himself by dancing around the room with his skeleton, Betty. Now Akane should notice the way Tofu was around her and start trying to change the engagement to Ranma for her and-

"How come ya asked Akane to come to the clinic if ya were just gonna come yerself, Kasumi?"

The girl blinked. That didn't sound like Akane at all. Kasumi turned to face Ranma-kun, who was a few inches shorter than her, and blinked again. "If you're here, then where-"

"Ite."

Both Ranma and Kasumi looked over at Akane sitting on the patient's table and winced. 

Tofu must have heard also because his glasses cleared up and he stared at Akane. "You're neck was hurt too, Akane? How did that happen?"

"Oh my," Kasumi put a hand over her smile and tilted her head slightly to look at Akane. "Is she broken?"

"Ha!" Tofu grabbed Akane's head and cranked it to the other side. "Nothing I can't fix, right Betty?! Hahaha!"

"What happened to Akane, little Ranma?" Kasumi asked innocently, as if a raving lunatic wasn't sticking acupuncture needles in his head and dancing out into the street. She'd seen Hellraiser enough times to not get concerned about it.

"Uh," Ranma glanced from the insane doctor to the crooked Akane and grew a massive sweat drop. "The clumsy gorilla sort of got in the way of a fly ball during gym."

"I didn't get in the way," Akane growled. "Your fiancé hit me."

"Hey, you're a martial artist! Why didn't you dodge?!"

Akane growled as an angry aura appeared around her. She would have retorted but a hand suddenly flung her from the table and she landed on her head dazed, but it was on straight now!

"FIANCE!"

Kasumi blinked at Dr. Tofu's sudden reappearance. "Oh my. Our father's arranged it before little Ranma was born in order to unite the schools."

"Do you have to call me 'little Ranma'," the pigtailed boy whined. He took a step back when Tofu put his face less than an inch from his nose. "Doc?"

"You're engaged to Kasumi?"

Did he sound angry, Kasumi wondered to herself. 

"Uh," Ranma swallowed and nodded slowly. "Yeah."

The darkness receded and everything was calm again as Tofu Ono stood up straight and smiled thinly at everyone. "Well then," he patted Ranma on the back, "congratulations."

"Thank you, Dr. Tofu," Kasumi answered. She noted his glasses still fogged up, but he hadn't started running around like an idiot. Taking Ranma's arm, Kasumi glanced over her shoulder and led them both out of the clinic. 

"Doctor Tofu?" Akane asked weakly. The man hadn't even noticed her still on the floor, but she could see his face turning red and his hands clenching. "Doctor?"

"RANMA SAOTOME!" the man screamed at his ceiling fan, "For stealing the sweet, innocent Kasumi from me, I will destroy you!"

Akane crawled out of the clinic silently.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Ranma shuddered on the way home.

"Something wrong, little Ranma?" 

The boy sighed. "Could you please not call me that?" He noted her vacant smile and sighed again. "It's nothing, I'm sure."

"Okay." Kasumi started counting down in her head after checking her watch. When she reached zero Ranma suddenly collapsed onto the ground. "Oh my. Are you all right, little Ranma?"

Eyes wide, Ranma flopped on the ground. "I can't move my legs!"

Feigning concern, "Should I go get Dr. Tofu?"

"Nononono!" Ranma shook his head violently. "I'm sure it's nothing. Uh, let's just go home, huh?"

Kasumi shrugged and started lifting the boy up.

"Wait a minute. I can't be seen being carried on a girl's back! It's not manly!"

Swinging the boy onto her back despite his protests, Kasumi shushed him and started walking. "I'm sure no one will mind, little Ranma. It's just ten blocks."

Ranma moaned pitifully while Kasumi smiled.

End Chapter Four

***

Short, but hey, it happens to all guys eventually. 

Send C&C to jehtek@hotmail.com

Or visit my website at www.geocities.com/jehtek

Ja ne.


	5. Sugar, Spice, and Everything Else?

Disclaimer: That's right punk. Ain't no dissin' goin on heya. So step off, mofo, while I spliff. Word.

****

Not A Dirty Word

Chapter Five - Sugar and Spice and Everything Else?

By Michael Fetter

"I can do this," Kasumi told herself. 

She was standing in the bathroom staring at the mirror intently. It was the weekend and the kids had already returned from Saturday school. The first week of being engaged to Ranma hadn't been bad since he didn't seem to know how to keep his mouth shut around her. There were only a few fights with Akane, but nothing physical yet. Kasumi was pretty sure Nabiki had already started taking candid shots of Ranma-chan and wondered why she hadn't heard anything from Ranma. Maybe he didn't think it was manly to tattle to Nabiki's older sister.

That wasn't what was occupying Kasumi's mind at the moment. After her decision to train harder, Kasumi had also tried to change her attitude and the way she dressed. Wearing jeans and a tight blouse was not going over well so far. The spirit was willing, but the flesh was weak. Kasumi had to fight the constant desire to go change into a dress and clean the furo for punishment.

"No, I won't change you dumb girl," Kasumi growled at herself. "The furo doesn't need to be cleaned again. Now start cooperating or I start walking around in the buff!"

The bathroom door clicked back into place and someone rushed down the hall. Kasumi shrugged and turned back to the mirror. "Say it! I like cu-cu . . . cu-cu-cun- . . . Oh, hehehe, you can do it. I like pu-pu-pu-pu . . ."

Kasumi snarled and gripped the sink beneath the mirror hard. "You'll say it. Yes, you will." Taking a deep breath, "Because of my sexual orientation, I like pu-pu-pu-pu-pu . . . I like puuuuuuu-vaginas!"

Collapsing against the sink with sweat rolling down her forehead, Kasumi glared as harshly as she could at her reflection. All she got was a twitch in her left eyebrow.

"Hey, Kasumi!"

The girl tried to glare again, but all she got was a smaller smile. "You and I will try this again later." Straightening out her blouse, Kasumi left the bathroom to find Ranma standing in the living room rocking on his heels. "Yes, little Ranma?"

He winced. "Pops said ya wanted to talk ta me?"

"Oh yes." Kasumi nodded. "I was hoping you could spar with me to help my training."

Ranma blinked and furrowed his brow. "I guess I could do that."

"Don't worry, little Ranma-chan," double wince, "I'll try my best not to bore you."

With nothing to respond with, Ranma followed her out to the dojo. Kasumi noted a few people following out of curiosity. Most of her family had already gotten over the shock of seeing her dressed so differently. As soon as she could make her body do it, Kasumi was planning to wear the sexy, black dress Nabiki had gotten her for her last birthday. She would break this body whether it liked it or not.

Strangely, sparring was okay. Kasumi had sparred with Soun and Genma, obviously not at their full strength, but she had both given and taken hits. Her father said she smiled through the entire ordeal though. When Kasumi was finished, she'd get her body to scream battle cries and insults with impunity. 

Standing opposite of Ranma, Kasumi bowed. "Are you ready, little Ranma?"

Frowning, he bowed back and nodded, not taking any sort of ready stance. "Let'er rip, Kasumi."

Sliding forward, Kasumi let loose a number of punches and kicks that Ranma easily dodged and evaded. She didn't mind his lack of attacks as much as Akane would have. Kasumi wanted to get better so she did her best to track the human Ping-Pong ball and pushed herself harder.

Brushing away a little sweat as she came to a stop, Kasumi smiled at Ranma. "Oh my, you are good, aren't you?"

He smirked cockily. "I'm the best."

Nodding, she stood up and took a ready stance again. "Once more?"

"Sure thing."

She watched him bounce on his toes and started pushing with her ki until a soft light was visible around her body. Ranma noticed and took a slightly more defensive stance. Kasumi didn't rush forward this time, however. Instead, she smiled brighter and stepped forward slowly. 

Ranma tried to frown, but his lips started to twitch until he couldn't hold back a smile any longer. He didn't know why, but he felt pretty good for some reason. His eyes followed Kasumi's steps and had to admit she was pretty, not to mention one of the nicest people he'd ever met, if a little absent-minded.

Kasumi paused within a foot of Ranma and let her arms fall slightly. Watching the stupid grin spread across his face, Kasumi waited for Ranma to drop his arms also. This was too easy. 

"An opening!" she suddenly cried and planted her fist right into his face. Ranma fell over with a slightly dazed look in his eyes. Still smiling, Kasumi leaned over his body, "You dropped your defenses, little Ranma."

He just twitched in response.

"Okay, that's it." Nabiki strode forward and took her older sister by the arm and led her out of the dojo. "You and I are going to have a talk, oneechan."

"Oh my," Kasumi's voice faded out as she left. "Is something the matter, Nabiki?"

Soun, Genma, and Akane remained in the dojo to stare dumbly at the fallen Ranma. They'd expected Kasumi to have trouble trying to hit the boy, but to lay him out so easily at the end?

Akane scowled and stomped out of the dojo mumbling to herself. 

Shivering, Genma turned to his friend, "Such . . . Such awesome technique. The boy never stood a chance!"

Soun nodded sagely. "Yes, Saotome. My daughter has indeed grown powerful. I've not felt such fear from a single techniques since learning under the Master."

Trembling further, Genma hissed at his friend. "Do not speak his name or you invite his wrath! Dealing with one such powerful martial artist is hard enough."

"You're right, Saotome. We shall have to do our best not to get on Kasumi's bad side."

Wiping away the sweat on his forehead, Genma agreed. "We shall have to . . . mind our manners at the table!"

"Remember coasters for our drinks!"

"Wipe our feet before entering the house!"

Tears in their eyes, Soun and Genma cried, "And never forget to put the toilet seat down when we are finished!"

Ranma groaned, still smiling from the aftereffects of Kasumi's devastating attack.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Nabiki shut her door securely behind Kasumi. The older girl clasped her hands in front of her and smiled innocently at her sister. "What did you want to talk about, Nabiki?"

The girl frowned at her sister and sat down at her desk. She had to remain cool and treat Kasumi like any other client. How hard could it be to get the information she wanted out of her sister? Fixing her gaze on her sister, Nabiki ringed the neck of her shirt and got ready for a hard match of wits.

Kasumi smiled obliviously.

"So, oneechan, when did you start getting so good at martial arts?"

"Why, what do you mean, Nabiki?" Kasumi put a finger to her chin in a thinking pose.

Oh, she was good, Nabiki thought. Kasumi was coming off as cool as a cucumber right off. Nabiki could deal with her type though. Cocky to a fault those. "Don't fool around with me, Kasumi. First you beat Akane with one hit and now you take out Ranma who's got to be one of the best I'd ever seen. How long have you been training?"

"One of them?" Kasumi looked contemplative. "Oh yes, there was that strange young man with the large umbrella not too long ago looking for Ranma. Is he the other one you're talking about?"

"Umbrella?" Nabiki muttered dumbly. "Ryouga Hibiki was here? When?"

"Some weeks ago. He was looking for Furinkan High." Kasumi nodded. "Did Ranma meet up with his little friend? He seemed quite strong."

Blinking, Nabiki said, "Uh, yeah. He did. That guy really does have a bad sense of direction. He didn't show up until today and made a mess of the school with his little fight with Ranma."

"Oh my," hand to cheek, "Did they play rough? No one got hurt did they?"

"Uh, no." Nabiki shook her head at her sister's innocence. "No one was hurt. The guy just got lost in the middle of the fight after breaking a water pipe."

Nabiki suddenly cursed herself for giving so much away. Kasumi had her on the ropes so far. Well, the Ice Queen wasn't done yet!

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Kasumi left Nabiki's room about an hour later. They'd been having such a nice chat, but Kasumi did wonder why Nabiki had collapsed in exhaustion towards the end there. But Kasumi had learned quite a bit about what Ranma was doing at school now. 

"Oh my," Kasumi smiled slyly, "I wonder what it was Nabiki wanted to ask me?"

She skipped down the hall cheerily towards the bathroom. Time to test her winning streak against this darn body.

"I'll show you this time!" Kasumi laughed merrily. She was trying for malicious.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

She hadn't been sure since no one had said anything. With her little changes to the story Kasumi couldn't have been certain how far off things had gotten, but so far it looked like the only change was with Ranma's fiancée. Akane and Ranma didn't talk much, but the relationship between Ranma and Nabiki looked okay. Maybe her little sister was interested in him?

It was more likely that Nabiki was just keeping a close watch on Ranma. Trying to protect her oneechan from unworthy suitors. 

Wait! Did that mean Nabiki might try to set her up with a different man to end the engagement?! With Akane and Ranma in the manga it was easy. Just get them to start fighting with each other and everything is ruined. Kasumi didn't fight with Ranma though. She could actually barely make herself raise her voice. 

Well if Ryouga was here as Nabiki said then it shouldn't be long until the piggy tries to break in. She'll have to do something about it. Kasumi didn't want to have to clean up a broken window.

Creeping silently down the hall, Kasumi pressed her ear against the guestroom door. She could hear Genma's snoring and a rustle of cloth. Where was he?

"Now you pay, Ranma!"

Kasumi smirked and pulled at the door softly and slithered into the room when she could. Ryouga was very intent on Ranma that he didn't notice her sneaking up on them.

"Damn you, Ranma!" Ryouga howled and raised his fist only to have the sleeping Ranma twist out of the way. "Wake up and fight me like a m-!"

The Lost Boy collapsed right onto Ranma. Since he'd been kneeling at the head of Ranma's bed . . . well, it gave Kasumi a wicked idea.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Kasumi was again making a western breakfast. French toast this time. It was early morning on a Sunday with clear skies, warm weather, and just a light breeze winding through the backyard. 

"BOY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!"

Now that the peace was gone everyone in the house was awake. A few people were even making their ways to the guestroom to see what was wrong. Kasumi debated it for a moment before setting things aside and rushing up the stairs to see everyone's reactions.

"What the-" Ranma-chan woke up groggily. There was something lying between her legs.

Kasumi was almost there, but she missed it by seconds. 

"Get your head away from there, YOU PERVERT!"

"Hmm," Kasumi tapped her chin as she regarded the naked, heaving Ranma-chan and then the hole in the ceiling that looked like an outline of a man. "I should have remembered he caused some of the damage."

No one heard her, but Akane was getting an angry red aura around her body. Mallet materializing in her hands, the girl stalked up to the redhead dry-heaving into a waste bin. "How dare you cheat on my sister with a man, you PERVERT!"

That's two holes.

Now is about time Kasumi should say something. "Goodness, Ranma-chan shouldn't have shared her sleeping mat with her friend. They made quite a mess."

Kasumi left to let her family deal with this little crisis. She had breakfast to finish.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

The day actually seemed to slow down after that. Even though she was being forced into an arranged marriage, Kasumi felt bad about what she did. Ranma-chan returned after dragging herself out of the canal and no one actually believed she would do something with Ryouga. So she wandered about feeling embarrassed until lunchtime when everything had been fairly forgotten.

Kasumi, unfortunately, couldn't make herself forget. Every time she looked at Ranma she felt bad. That was the best explanation she could come up with for standing topless in her room now and beating herself with a reed. 

"Nineteen . . . Twenty." Kasumi sighed and dropped the stick. Was the original Kasumi into self-mutilation or something? Kasumi stared at her back in the mirror and winced at the red lines, some of them bleeding. She never got upset over practical jokes before and it was to discourage an arranged marriage to a man.

"It must be you," Kasumi glared at the mirror. There was a cross hanging around her neck that she'd never been able to get rid of. "Why did I have to get stuck inside one of the religious types? Why a girl? And why here of all places?"

There were still no answers.

Reaching for her shirt, there was a knock at her door and someone opened it. "Need a lock," Kasumi muttered at the intrusion.

"Oneechan, have you seen-" Nabiki stared at her sister's back covered in long welts. "Wh-What happened?"

Kasumi saw the girl look to the reed on the floor and knew Nabiki was figuring things out. Plastering a smile across her face, Kasumi demurely covered her chest as she turned to face her little sister. "Oh my, I burnt the French Toast. I should have known better than to serve something I'm not very good at making."

Nabiki's eyes nearly leapt out of their sockets. 

"I'll do better next time though. Or I'll keep making them until I get it right. All right, Nabiki?"

"Uh, I, that is, uh, j-jus, I don't mean, uh, wh-wh . . ." bumping into the door, Nabiki scrambled for the latch and rushed out, closing the door behind her.

Nodding to herself, Kasumi again reached for her shirt and came up with the reed. She glared at the mirror. "Oh, that was funny. How did that harm anyone?"

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Ryouga was in a state of confusion.

Actually, he was in Wyoming, but knowing that wouldn't help.

"Damn you, Ranma," Ryouga cursed without the usual heat. Something new was holding him back. A feeling that was twisting his guts and fogging his mind. For years he tracked Ranma, planning his revenge, and occasionally posing in front of mirrors for the most to practice his most intimidating glares. And now this.

Ryouga's eyes glazed over momentarily as he went back to the moment he'd woken up in Ranma's bed. He wasn't sure how it happened, but Ranma must have tricked him into falling into the bed and then molested him!

But that didn't explain the situation he'd been in. Waking up with his mouth . . . there. Had he been participating?!

"No," Ryouga growled in denial, "I'd never ever do such a thing. I don't care how beautiful she is."

He paused. 

"ARGH!" Pedestrians around him scattered as he walked over to the nearest wall and began smashing his head against it. "That's the second time I've said it. He's my enemy, dammit!"

The first time he'd faced Ranma's cursed form was in a battle near Furinkan High. A water pipe had burst during their fight and Ryouga had discovered Ranma was cursed. He remembered clearly the way the water rolled over her curves as he said, "You're upset to be cursed with such a beautiful body?!"

Why, why had he said it?

Ryouga shook his head. "Shut up. It doesn't matter. It's just a body. It doesn't mean I like Ranma. He's the reason for my suffering!" Luckily there weren't any mirrors around for him to see his blush.

Ryouga had thought long and hard about this. Why did Ranma make him so angry? Lots of people made him angry, but he'd never sought revenge on any of them, never tracked them across the world. But then, no one had treated him the way Ranma had. Even if he was irritating, Ranma had guided Ryouga to and from school when they were younger. Respected him as a martial artist rather than ignore him as an outcast. But he didn't love Ranma, certainly not. Ryouga was a man and Ranma was a man. It was just wrong.

A vision of Ranma-chan's angelic face peering at him from between her pert, naked breasts forced its way into Ryouga's head.

"ARGH!" Ryouga cried out in frustration and ran off for parts unknown. "Ranma, this is all your fault!"

He didn't get very far as the old woman down the street from the Tendous splashed him with a bit of water while washing her sidewalk.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

"What?" Kasumi stared at the piglet wandering through the market area. She sighed internally, remembering that he'd been kicked out of the house before Akane could find her P-chan.

Time to do a good deed, sort of.

"My, how cute!" she squealed innocently. Passing shoppers gave her wry grins as she picked the surprised animal up. "Have you lost your family, Piglet-san? I'll try to help you find them."

The black piglet bweed indignantly until it was pressed into her chest as Kasumi continued on her way home. Ryouga passed out soon enough.

Kasumi sighed. "Well, this should keep you around long enough to give Ranma a good fight every now and then. This should make up for that joke." Plus it might force another wedge into the engagement problem if Ryouga decided he liked her. Akane wasn't likely to be interested at this point.

End Chapter Five

***

Kasumi just seems too perfect to me. There is no way someone stays that pleasant in that kind of household without some sort of quirk. Subconscious desires to punish herself with Hail Mary's and whatnots seem fair to me.

Send C&C to jehtek@hotmail.com

Or visit my website at www.geocities.com/jehtek

Ja ne.


	6. Tofu's Revenge!

Disclaimer: No letters in the alphabet used in this story are owned by me. Except the silent ones that raise bile each time they are pronounced. No sentence structures were harmed in the making of this story.

****

Not A Dirty Word

Chapter Six - Tofu's Revenge!

By Michael Fetter

"Do you see this?"

"Never knew she had it in her."

"What a woman."

"Hey! That's Kasumi Tendou you're talkin' about. Best to keep those thoughts clean, buddy!"

Kasumi smirked as she lined up her next shot. The bar was one of the basement deals built beneath a restaurant so the only light came from the door up the stairs or the lamps hanging over the pool tables. 

She didn't come out to these places often, but she felt it necessary to unwind sometimes. The bartender knew her well enough to accept her presence. Still, a girl in a housedress stuck out like a sore thumb and didn't quite fit with the number of toughs in the joint. 

"Eight ball in the side pocket, Masano-san." The man grimaced as he followed Kasumi's posture against the table. He hadn't expected a 'simple' girl like her to beat him so badly.

The ball fell with ease and Kasumi pocketed the wad of cash left lying on the table. The man put up his stick and smiled at her as he left. Kasumi lifted her drink in return.

The other men who had been watching laughed at the man's bad luck or applauded Kasumi's skill. It was a strange crowd for a young woman to hang out with, but they helped her relax after a stressful couple of days of taking care of her family.

"Pretty good hustle you've got going here, girl."

Quirking an eyebrow, Kasumi turned to the new man at the table. He had a leather case for carrying a personal cue and a scar down the left side of his face. She smiled warmly, "Hello, my name is Kasumi Tendou. Would you like to play a round?"

He chuckled and started assembling his stick. "Sure. How much would you like to bet?"

"Oh, I don't like betting. It's very wasteful, but how about ten thousand for the game?"

The man groaned and picked himself off of the table while giving her a strange look. "Call me Guro and make it fifty."

"Fifty?" Kasumi thought over how much money she had in her pocket and came up fifteen thousand short. "Okay, Guro-san."

The new man went around the table and started racking the balls himself. Kasumi took the time to glance about the room out of the corners of her eyes. A number of the regular people had moved off as Guro approached the table. There was also a pair of large men in dark suits and concealed handguns watching.

Finishing her beer, Michael wanted a Pinser, but the Kasumi part of him wouldn't go past a Coor's Light, she signaled for the waitress to bring another.

Guro dropped the triangle beneath the table. "Why don't you take the first shot, Kasumi?"

Nodding with a smile, Kasumi rubbed some chalk over her cue tip. Kei, the young purple-haired waitress, chose that moment to appear with a new glass. "Be careful, Kasumi-san," she whispered airily, "Guro can get mad if when he loses and you don't want to mess with him."

Kasumi took a drink and set it on a nearby table. "Thank you, Kei-chan."

The girl smiled nervously and wiggled back to the bar counter.

When the game started, Kasumi kept a close eye on Guro and his bodyguards. Part of the reason she came out was to get a drink and shoot a little pool; the other part was to find a fight. With her skill in the Art growing, Kasumi was constantly looking for ways to test herself. While she wasn't up to Ranma's level she would get there eventually.

Guro's face was starting to turn a little red near the end of the game. He restrained himself on several occasions and tried to bump the table during her shots. Kasumi just smiled and kept going.

"Well," Guro's left eye was twitching over his scar, "looks like this is it."

"Oh my, so soon?" Kasumi put a hand to her cheek as she found herself left with only the eight ball, four ahead of Guro. "I must be very lucky."

The crowd of watchers chuckled until Guro glared at them. "Please, continue."

"Corner pocket, Guro-san."

Plunk.

Snarling, Guro snapped his expensive pool stick over his knee. He yelled while limping around the table. "You filthy hustler! Grab her boys."

"Now, now," Kasumi began in an admonishing tone, "there's no need to throw a hissy fit."

"What did you say?!" Guro glared at the smiling girl and reared his hand back.

Kasumi tapped her cue against her shoulder in annoyance then noticed a piece of chalk on the ground and picked it up. Guro most have noticed also as he was staring at his feet, groaning. "Don't want anyone tripping on this," Kasumi said, holding the little cube.

Guro's head snapped back as she stood up.

The crowd blinked in unison as they watched. Kasumi stared at them blankly and then at Guro with his bloody nose. "Oh my, are you alright, Guro-san?"

"Kasumi-san?" Kei called out in a worrying tone.

"Yes?" Kasumi turned to the younger girl, her pool stick hanging over her shoulder. "Kei-chan, could you find a Kleenex for Guro-san?"

"Um," Kei blinked at the man knocked out cold over the pool table. Had Kasumi done that on purpose? "Just a minute, Kasumi-san."

Smiling, Kasumi returned to Guro to find him taking a nap. Well, she'll just let him rest and pick up her winnings. "Thank you for the game, Guro-san."

She turned straight into the two bodyguards. "Yes?"

The first, a tall gaijin with short, dark hair, cleared his throat. "Uh, Kasumi-san, we're supposed to do something for, y'know," he muttered embarrassed and nodded to his unconscious employer.

Cocking her head, Kasumi considered the man. "Blank-san, is that you? How did your wife like that teriyaki recipe?"

"Uh," the man blushed. "We both liked it very much." He stared at Guro for a moment and finally shrugged and steeped aside. "Have a nice night, Kasumi-san."

"And you, Blank-san." Smiling, Kasumi headed for the bar to take care of her bill.

"What are ya doin', man? We're gonna get inta trouble if we don't do something."

"Shut up, Koji. I'm not messing with that girl. My wife would kill me."

"What? Is she dangerous? Looks like a weak girl to me."

"That's Kasumi Tendou. No one messes with her. I think there's a law."

The bartender smirked and finished cleaning one of his glasses as Kasumi approached. "Glad your alright, Kasumi-chan."

"Oh yes, Guro-san was very generous, wasn't he?"

The bartender blinked and laughed out loud. "Whatever you say, Kasumi. Here."

Unfolding the piece of paper she'd been given, Kasumi read the address and time before smiling brightly. She bowed. "Thank you, Kudo-san."

"I don't know why you're interested in that sort of thing, Kasumi, but your old enough to take care of yourself."

Stuffing the slip of paper into the same pocket as her new wad of money, Kasumi headed for the door. The night air breezed over her and removed the smell of smoke from her nostrils. Michael grumbled internally at being denied a smoke by his body, but nothing kills quite like second-hand!

The walk home took nearly an hour, as Kasumi had to cut through park, pass the closed market-street, and walk around Furinkan High. It was too bad her father didn't have a car. She wondered briefly if he even had a driver's license. 

She paused coming to an empty lot with a tent set up in the center. "Ryouga-kun?"

"Huh?" The fanged boy looked up from his campfire to stare blankly at Kasumi. "K-Kasumi-san."

She smirked knowingly at his sudden blush. "We haven't seen you for almost a week. Did you take a trip?"

A sweatdrop ran down Ryouga's head. "Uh, year . . . Say, what are you doing out so late, Kasumi-san?"

"I'm heading home. Would you like to come with me? Maybe you and little Ranma could have another sparring match."

Ryouga sputtered and his face burned worse than before. "Uh, be, uh, go to the dojo where, I mean, with Ranma, and uh . . ." A slight trickle of blood began to creep out of his nose. He struck himself hard in the face. "No thanks, Kasumi-san. I've still got to . . . train. Yeah, that's it! I've got to train before facing Ranma-chan, er, Ranma again. Ranma, that's what I meant to say. Why would I say Ranma-chan? I don't even like her-him! I said him! Th-The bastard! Ha!"

Giggling into her hand, Kasumi accepted this to the boy's relief. "Good luck training then, Ryouga-kun."

Heart still pounding in his chest, Ryouga slumped to the ground as the older girl left. "Damn you Ranma, this is all your fault." He sighed wistfully. . . then clocked himself again.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

"You got it, boy?"

Ranma stared stupidly at the money that had been shoved into his hands. For as long as he'd known him, Ranma's father had never offered his son money for any reason. Soun looked quite shocked over the ten-yen coin Ranma had received.

"Saotome," Soun gasped in awe.

Ranma blinked. "You want me ta take her out, like on a date?"

"Exactly, boy." Genma nodded sagely. "Girls need to be treated once in a while to make them feel important. After all, an unsatisfied woman only cooks half as well."

Both fathers nodded gravely at this. Ranma stared with a growing sweatdrop on the back of his head.

"Uh, well-"

"You're not thinking of weasingly out of this, are you son?" Soun demanded.

Ranma tried to think of Kasumi in a romantic sense and was coming up blank. "Well, she's nice'n all, but-"

"Oh, the shame!" Genma wailed. "To think my worthless son is afraid to ask out a harmless girl! Even the most foolish of people could have their way with such a simple girl and my-"

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!" Both Saotomes fell to the ground inside the dojo as Soun's demon head popped out. "MY KASUMI DESERVES ONLY THE FINEST JAPANESE MAN! SHE IS THE SWEETEST, MOST ATTRACTIVE YOUNG **WOMAN** IN THE WORLD!"

"Right! Right you are, Tendou!" Genma nodded quickly, jumping over to Soun's side. He pointed a finger at Ranma, "So you have no reason not to take your wonderful fiancée on a date!"

"I still think it'll cost more than ten yen," Ranma muttered.

Inside the house each of the daughters was watching the dojo.

Nabiki flipped through her manga again. "I wonder if father went out there for privacy?"

Kasumi shrugged. "I wonder if father caught his own Freudian slip?"

Her sisters' heads bounced off the ground before they turned to stare at her stunned.

"I almost feel dirty." 

The doorbell rang.

"I'll get it," Kasumi called out cheerfully.

When she was gone, Nabiki and Akane stared at each other and then at the dojo. Nabiki shivered. "That makes a horrid sort of sense."

Akane remained silent.

The door opened and Kasumi met Dr. Tofu standing outside in a nice shirt and slacks. He'd obviously showered before coming over as the scent of shampoo was still evident. A bit of cologne, haircut, and a small bundle of flowers. She wondered if something was going on.

"Oh, Dr. Tofu, what a surprise. Won't you come in?" Kasumi stepped aside to let the older man in. He was ready to say something, but the usual stuttering had already set in. Kasumi took the man's elbow and guided him back into the living room where her father was going under intense scrutinization by her sister's. Ranma in his usual Chinese clothes and holding a flower fresh from the garden instantly focused on Tofu and narrowed his eyes. Tofu returned the glare with the same intensity.

"Akane," Kasumi called out sweetly. "Dr. Tofu came over to check up on your injury. Wasn't that nice of him?"

Both sisters looked at Tofu and his flowers to Kasumi and looked at her oddly.

"Well, actually," Tofu began.

Kasumi moved in closer. "Yes, Dr. Tofu?"

Glasses began to fog up quickly. He laughed, giggling like a little girl. "O-Of c-c-c-course I came to see-see-see, Akane! Come, Betty!" Tofu dragged his skeleton model out of nowhere. "Let's go check on little Akane-chan!"

The girl in question began to back up quickly. "W-Wait! I'm not hurt anymore! Real-ack!"

Ranma ignored the gratuitous violence being committed against Akane's person and strode determined towards Kasumi. Sure she was nice and pretty and all of that, but he also kind of thought of her like a mother figure. She was just so . . . motherly. However, he wasn't about to let some yahoo come over with flowers obviously meant for his fiancée!

"Kasumi-" Ranma began.

"RANMA! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"

The wall exploded to admit an angry Ryouga. There was an obvious green aura surrounding him as he glowered at the pigtailed martial artist. 

"What's this about then?" Kasumi wondered. Oddly, Ryouga didn't look as dirty as when she saw him last. In fact he looked clean, new shirt and pants, and then there were the flowers.

Removing a canteen from his pack, he splashed Ranma with a bit of the water and held out the flowers. "Here."

Most people were staring at the badly blushing Lost Boy except for Dr. Tofu who was doing impressionist work on Akane's twitching body. Ranma-chan glanced at the flowers and shrugged. Tossing the pathetic flower in her hand into her father's face, she retrieved Ryouga's bouquet and passed them over to Kasumi. "Do ya wanta-"

"Damn you, Ranma!" Ryouga howled. "Accept your flowers like a man!" Ryouga removed his umbrella and swung at Ranma.

Akane was still being manhandled by Tofu.

Genma began to cry over how worthless his son was.

Soun cried because the schools would never be joined now.

"Oh my," Kasumi put a hand to her cheek and looked at Nabiki, who had crept to her side for protection. "What do you suppose that was about?"

Nabiki stared then shook her head. "Let's go to your room. I'll explain it to you there."

Kasumi followed cheerily.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

They say there is a thin line between love and hate. Still, Kasumi hadn't been expecting that. 

After entering her room, Nabiki had started going through her wardrobe for something suitable for a date. Unfortunately, Kasumi didn't have that many outfits. She hadn't had time to go shopping with her pool money yet, not that she'd tell Nabiki about that.

"Hmm," Nabiki held up the little black dress she given Kasumi so long ago. "Too risqué. He'd probably die of blood loss. Better work up to it."

Kasumi blinked.

"I know!" Nabiki grinned and headed for the door. "Back in a sec."

Staring at the closed door, Kasumi sighed and sat down on her bed. She could hear the sounds of violence tapering off. Hopefully there wouldn't be too much destruction for her to clean up later. It was damned annoying feeling the 'Kasumi need to clean'. Michael had tried to ignore it once when he caught sight cinder block dust in the dojo. Akane had made it so she should clean it, but the Kasumi in her started getting more and more insistent. Damned religious, sadomasochistic, anal-retentive body.

"I wonder if I could get out of this. I've already got plans for tonight." Kasumi dropped back on her bed and stared at her ceiling. "It would serve them right if I let Akane cook dinner tonight."

She let the thought percolate for a moment. 

The door opened and Nabiki stepped back in while staring at something over her shoulder. "Be ready by six, Ranma-kun."

"You seem to be okay with this now, Nabiki. Do you like, little Ranma?" Kasumi watched her sister closely while looking over the few selections Nabiki had taken out of her own wardrobe. Most of them would be too small since Kasumi was a head taller than Nabiki. Maybe the idea of Ranma dying from blood loss sounded good to her.

Nabiki brushed the question aside as she put one dress up against Kasumi's body then tossed it aside. "It's not about that, Kasumi. I just think you should get away from father, I mean, get away from the work. Have some fun."

Kasumi shrugged.

"So what do you think of your fiancé, Kasumi?"

"He seems . . . nice," she said.

"Just nice?" Nabiki smiled lecherously then quickly suppressed it and shook her head. "Well, how about our good doctor then?"

"Dr. Tofu? He's a very silly man," Kasumi answered in a cheery tone. "Why?"

Nabiki scowled as she rubbed her face after picking it up off of the floor. "No reason." She stared at Kasumi for a long moment before shaking her head and picking out a dress and handing it to Kasumi. "Akane has been working out a bit more than usual."

"Really?" Kasumi held up the dress and noticed it was one of Nabiki's longer one's so the hem came to just below Kasumi's knees. "Is father training her then?"

Nabiki shook her head. "I don't think her pride would let her. She's been getting better though. Akane is moving through the boys at school with less trouble lately. It only lasts a minute now." She clucked at Kasumi's plain underwear, but gave up when nothing better was found in her dresser. "I'm pretty sure she'll be looking for a rematch with you sometime soon."

"Oh?" That sounded interesting. "Has she learned anything new?"

"I don't think so," Nabiki sighed and sat on the bed. "She's not faster or anything. I don't know what it is. Maybe she's just stronger."

Both girls critiqued the dress once Kasumi had pushed herself into it. It was long enough, but Kasumi's breasts were threatening to burst its seems. With a shrug, Nabiki handed her the black dress again. Kasumi waited for her body to rebel, but for some reason it had no problem putting on the dress this time. It reached to mid thigh, showed off a bit of cleavage, and was strapless. How these things stayed on was still a mystery to Michael, but Kasumi accepted it.

Nabiki spent a little time working through the make up with her and setting her hair in a braid. At the end, Kasumi looked less motherly and more . . . attractive. Heck, Michael would have asked her out if that were possible. 

"Kasumi, I was wondering," Nabiki bit her lip, considering how to continue.

"What is it, Nabiki?" Kasumi watched her sister give her a small smile through the mirror. 

"It's not that I want you to leave," she began again. "I mean, you've been taking care of all of us for a long time and we all appreciate it, but you don't plan to stay here forever, do you? All this talk about continuing the school is noble and all, but it's not very practical."

"Someone like Ranma, he doesn't have many other choices, but you were top of your class graduating from high school. It's only been a year since you graduated. You could still go to college or something. There's plenty of opportunity out there for someone like you."

Kasumi stood up and embraced her sister. She wasn't just feeling up her little sister's body this time. It really was a nice thing of her to say.

What would she do? It was very possible that she was going to be stuck like this, in this universe for the rest of her life. Playing Kasumi and watching the Saotomes was amusing, but not much of a life. It wasn't like she intended to marry any man either.

Kasumi never answered because, honestly, she didn't know. She checked the time and then picked up her purse. "I'll see you later, Nabiki."

"Have fun," said Nabiki with less enthusiasm.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Ranma was given an itinerary along with the loan from Nabiki. Kasumi pretended not to hear his grumbling and followed along as they walked towards the restaurant. It was a French restaurant, whatever the 

French were doing in Japan. 

"I'll be back to take your order in a minute," the Japanese waiter said with a put on accent. 

Ranma had a nervous smile as the man left and then he looked over the menu, avoiding eye contact with Kasumi. Other than putting on the blue silk shirt not much else seemed to have changed. "What the heck?" he muttered to himself. "It's all in some foreign language. Shimatta."

Kasumi was actually thinking the same thing and hoping just to identify something familiar. Damned French, too good to translate their menus even outside of their own country.

When the waiter returned they both just pointed at an item rather than look like idiots and trying to say the names.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Skulking around outside of the restaurant, by luck, Ryouga peered through the window at the couple having a quiet dinner together. It wasn't fair, whatever it was. He was certain it was Ranma's fault though.

"You're that boy from before."

"Huh?" Ryouga whirled about to find himself facing the odd man with the glasses he saw at the Tendou house. Though he didn't look like much, Ryouga could tell the guy had training in some sort of martial arts. "What do you want?"

"Nothing." He looked towards the restaurant. "I have to get closer and make sure that little pervert doesn't try anything with my sweet Kasumi."

"Kasumi?" Ryouga muttered and looked back. "Hey! That's Ranma you're talking about, pal!"

Tofu looked at him oddly. "You . . . like Ranma?"

"Of course not!" Ryouga blushed heavily. "I want nothing to do with her! Because of Ranma I've seen hell!"

Tofu pondered this for a moment and then nodded. "Maybe we can work together to separate them."

"Why should I?" Ryouga demanded. "It's not like I care if the jerk dates some chick."

"Oh?" Tofu snorted. "I'm not the only one standing out here watching this travesty. And Kasumi is not some chick. She's the most wonderful, caring, and beautiful young woman in the world."

"Is not!" Ryouga glared then smacked himself in the face. "Whatever. Let's go."

Tofu grabbed Ryouga's shirt as the boy started walking off in the wrong direction. Ryouga glared, but didn't pull away. They made it to the entrance and Tofu nodded to the host. "Table for two."

The French-Japanese man stared at Tofu for a moment, stared at Ryouga, then stared some more. "Of course, sir. Right this way."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

The quiet descended into silence. Silence became boredom. Boredom settled into murderous agony.

As they waited for their meals, Kasumi watched Ranma pull out one of the breadsticks and study it. He tapped it against the table a few times and then his glass of water. Finding the sound interesting, he tapped the glass again. When seeds fell off, he studied the damaged area. 

Tap, tap, tap.

Tap, tap, twirl. 

Tap, twirl, toss, twirl, tap.

In any restaurant it was expected that the chef's would need some time to properly prepare the customer's meals. Gather the ingredients, prepare the utensils, start the burners, cook the meal. These things take time. 

Tap, twirl, tap, toss, twirl, behind the back, tap, balance on nose, finger roll, tap, tap, twirl.

The French had turned dining into a fine art though. They understood this pause on a deeper level than any other food distributor. Where other chef's took their time to prepare the food, the French took their time to build up the anticipation. This was the secret to French dining. 

Twirl, tap, basketball roll over shoulders, blind toss, catch in mouth, chew.

"This place isn't so bad," Ranma opined.

Kasumi's left eye twitched while she considered taking another breadstick shoving it through the pig-tailed boy's heart and screaming, "Damn the French! This is all their fault!"

But she controlled herself and tipped Ranma's glass accidentally. That was better.

Ranma-chan frowned as she felt the change. The waiter blinked twice when he noticed a redhead in the space he was certain a boy had been sitting a moment ago. He shrugged and set down their meals. "Bon appetite."

Kasumi groaned at the fried snails. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------

"What the hell is he doing?" Tofu muttered with a frown. For over five minutes they had watched Ranma toss about his breadstick like an idiot. Kasumi's eye was twitching so bad he feared she'd suffered a stroke.

Ryouga glowered in their direction. "Showoff."

Tofu shook his head.

"Are you prepared to order?"

Taking a look at the menu as the waiter returned, Tofu swallowed nervously as he noted the prices. His companion also grimaced. "We'll have this," Tofu indicated with his finger.

Staring, "For . . . both of you?"

"Yes."

". . ." The waiter wrote the order down and took the menus. 

"Why is everyone looking at us weird?" Ryouga whispered as he glanced at the retreating waiter.

Tofu shrugged. "Who knows? They're French."

Ryouga nodded in understanding and returned to watching Ranma, who had been changed into a girl by now.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Putting the dinner disaster behind them, Ranma and Kasumi headed for the theater. Nothing had been said, but occasionally Ranma would make an attempt to suck something out of his teeth.

"So, uh," Ranma fished around his pockets and came up with some more money. "I'll go get us some tickets, huh?"

"All right."

Ranma left, sucking on his teeth.

Sighing, Kasumi looked about for something interesting. Michael had been out on dates before, not from this perspective though. He hoped he'd never acted like such an ass before. 

Somewhere out there she was certain someone was following them. Ranma had never gone out on date in the manga without someone stalking him. Maybe Nabiki was watching. Of course, if she saw dinner then she likely went home figuring nothing would happen. Akane didn't seem interested so that wasn't likely. Maybe their fathers were around.

"Hey, baby."

Kasumi glanced to her left and found a boy about Ranma's age smiling at her. Her eyebrow twitched.

He glanced back at a friend of his and gave a thumbs up before turning back to her. "What's a pretty thing like you doing here all alone?"

"Seeing a movie," she answered evenly.

The boy paused and looked at the Movie Theater and blushed. He tried to play it off. "I'm Hiroshi. What's your name?"

This wouldn't have been half as bad if the boy weren't as tall as her breasts and openly staring at them. She turned away. "Not interested."

"Oh, give a guy a br-"

Give a guy a what? Kasumi turned back and blinked when she found no one there. 

"Ready, Kasumi?" Ranma asked, holding out a ticket for her. 

Nodding, Kasumi followed her 'date' into the theater and forgot about the pervert entirely.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Damned perverts," Tofu growled as he finished off the boy who had been hitting on Kasumi. 

Ryouga eyed the older man nervously. "Are you on some sort of medication or something? You're starting to drool."

"Not touch sweet Kasumi," Tofu answered.

". . ." Ryouga shrugged and headed for the theater. He needed to find a bathroom after eating those snails if nothing else. "Whatever."

Snagging the boy by the shirt, Tofu led them in the right direction and slapped some money on the counter. "Two."

The ticket lady stared at him, Ryouga, then back to Tofu. "Enjoy, I guess."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Inside the theater, Ranma had bought two hotdogs and two sodas to help them ease their stomachs. The seats were already filling up quickly except for a few rows in the back. Ranma lead them that way and sat towards the center.

"So, what are we watching?"

"Some crappy chick-fli-" Ranma cut himself off and grimaced. "I mean, a romantic comedy that Nabiki suggested."

Sighing, Kasumi leaned back in her chair and got ready to sleep.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Damn pervert."

Ryouga frowned as he noticed more people were watching them since they entered the theater. "Knock it off. People are staring. They probably think you're some sort of freak the way you keep gurgling like that."

Tofu didn't listen. Instead he was just glaring up at the couple near the top of the seating area. The only reason people went up there was to make out during the movie. "Little hentai."

Ryouga was seriously considering decking the older man.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Ranma shifted uneasily in his seat after the movie started. With the lights out it was almost like he was alone with Kasumi. The movie started and it was as bad as he thought it would be so didn't pay too much attention. 

He glanced over at Kasumi. It looked like she was staring right at the screen, but he couldn't tell with the way her bangs covered her eyes. 

What was he supposed to do? He supposed things were going okay since Kasumi didn't say anything bad about the restaurant though it made him want to throw up. What oddball country ate snails?

Looking around, he noticed people were laughing at whatever was happening. Ranma was pretty sure that Kasumi wasn't laughing though. Maybe things weren't going so well after all? Maybe she was just a quiet laugher? Maybe she just didn't find it funny.

God he wished he knew what he was supposed to do. This whole night had been terrible for him. Did girls actually like doing things like this? It would be a snowy day in hell the next time he gets dragged out on a date, Ranma decided.

A few rows down a couple was laughing and the guy had his arm around the girl's shoulders. A little further some retard was drooling on another guy's shoulder. 

Ranma was pretty sure the second couple was . . . special, but the first . . . Should he put his arm around Kasumi? Would she like that? He wished he knew, but there was no one to help him out. It was just he, Kasumi, and the couple making out in the seat beside him.

"Ack!"

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Narrowing his eyes, Tofu wiped his mouth with sleeve and stood up after Ranma-chan left the theater. "I'm going."

"Huh?" Ryouga caught a flash of red out of the corner of his eye as Ranma-chan left. Obviously the pervert had done something that he'd have to punish her for. Punish, not fantasize.

"Right." Ryouga stood up after Tofu and headed for the doors. People complained as he crossed the isle the wrong way.

Forgetting about his companion, Tofu headed straight up the stairs to the row Kasumi was sitting in. She didn't notice his approach or when he sat down in Ranma's seat. It was for the best as his glasses were already starting to fog up. "H-H-Hello, K-Kasumi."

Breathe. He had to stay focused.

"I saw Ranma leave the theater and I wanted to tell you you did the right thing. That pervert was all wrong for you."

Someone tried to shush him, but Tofu ignored it. "I hope this isn't too awkward, but I wanted to tell you-"

"Hey, shut up," someone hissed.

Tofu ground his teeth. "I wanted to tell you I've been watching you for some time now and-"

"Hey, jerk off! Shut the hell up!"

Eyebrow twitched. "-and I think you're the most perfect woman in the world-"

"Whatever, Romeo!"

"-and I-"

"Loser!"

"-and I lo-"

"Looooser!"

"DIE! DIE! DIE! I KILL YOU ALL!" Tofu threw himself at a man three rows down, snarling and drooling like a beast. 

"Ah, help me!" the man screamed. "He bit off my finger! I think he's got rabies!"

SNARL!

"He's punching me in the kneecap! Why is he punching me in the kneecap?!"

RIP! 

"Oh no! I'm starting to foam at the mouth! Dear god, someone put him down!"

Up near the top row, Kasumi began to snore. Stupid chick flicks are so dull!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Standing in the men's bathroom, Ranma sighed in disgust. She'd accidentally spilled her coke over her pants and it was making her feel sticky. Standing in only her boxers, Ranma tried to wash as much of the soda out as she could.

The bathroom cabinet suddenly opened and Ryouga's head popped out. "Where am I now?" he wondered while staring straight at Ranma's crotch in confusion.

"What the hell?" Ranma took a step back and stared at Ryouga. "What are you doing here?"

"Ranma, I found you!" Ryouga grinned and quickly changed it into an angry glare. "How dare you go out with Kasumi!"

"It's not like I wanted to, y'know. It wasn't my idea!"

"Don't try to fool me, Saotome," Ryouga growled. "I saw the way you two were sitting at the same table. The **same** table. And right across from each other. Yeah, don't deny it!"

"What the hell are you talking about?! Of course I sat at the same table! It's where the waiter seated us!"

Ryouga scoffed. "Don't give me that. Just now you were sitting with Kasumi in the same theater too! You think I don't know what's going on? Two people, sitting together, in the dark? You playboy!"

"What are you talking about?!" Ranma smacked herself in the head several times to make sure she wasn't hallucinating. She reached over and splashed some of the hot water on his face, but Ryouga was still there. "What do you care what I do with Kasumi anyway?!"

"What do I care? What do I care?!" Ryouga reached out and grabbed Ranma by his shirt. "Sh-he-I . . . You stole her from her boyfriend, that's what! So what if he's a slobbering, pathetic moron and you took my virginity?! I will make your life hell!"

Ryouga suddenly blushed, but Ranma missed it as he focused on the first part of the lost boy's ranting. "That idiot had his chance! He'll just have to find someone else!"

"Ahem."

Ranma and Ryouga stopped and looked at the man who had stepped out of one of the stalls.

The man tried not to stare and finally decided he didn't need to wash his hands that badly.

"What's with him?" Ryouga wondered, still kneeling in front of Ranma who wasn't wearing his pants.

Ranma blinked and then left Ryouga lying face down in a pile of cracked floor tiles. "Pervert."

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Kasumi stretched and yawned as they left the theater. She felt better after her short nap and wondered if the date could be considered over yet. She got her answer when Ranma put away his itinerary and steered them towards one of the nearby parks.

"What did you think of the movie, little Ranma?" Kasumi actually wondered if he hadn't slept through it also.

"Uh, it was . . . fine," Ranma finished lamely. "What did you think?"

"It was fine."

The park was quiet, not even a breeze to shake the trees. Kasumi smiled as they came across a landmark she knew. It was the same place her would-be attacker was dropkicked into the sidewalk.

"Cold?"

Kasumi shook her head.

It was quiet, peaceful. The moon hung silently over the couple, its glow shimmering off of the lake in the middle of the park. With the comfortable weather and bright stars some might consider this the perfect situation for a romantic moment. 

Thank god something interrupted before it could happen.

"DIE, RANMA!"

A snarling, monstrous beast with nothing but hate and loathing in its eyes jumped out of the bushes beside them and went into a flurry of homicidal attacks.

"Dr. Tofu?" Kasumi stared blankly.

The man stood and adjusted his glasses to sit on his nose properly. "Evening, Kasumi. Fancy meeting you here."

"Psycho," Ranma muttered under his breath.

"Forgive me, but I must deal with this young upstart now." Tofu turned on Ranma and removed several needles from a bracelet on his wrist.

Kasumi stepped aside. "If you say so."

Smirking, Ranma cracked his knuckles. "Bring it on, doc."

Both men jumped at each other at the same time. Tofu was actually a decent fighter, very light on his feet. He didn't possess a lot of power in his kicks or punches, but he was able to toss Ranma around several times.

"What the-?" Ranma rolled out of a shoulder throw and his right arm went completely numb. Tofu was grinning at him, a few of his acupuncture needles missing from his hands.

"Ready to give up? Renounce your claim on Kasumi and you may walk away from this alive!"

Ranma blinked and then scowled at the older man. "Forget it, old man! Kasumi's my fiancée!"

It was just his pride talking, Kasumi told herself. There's no need to kill him. Shaking it off, Kasumi waited patiently while Ranma and Tofu fought over . . . whatever. A quick spin back kick caught Tofu off guard and he was launched into the air by his chin. 

Ranma winced as a new needle found its target in the small of his back. His legs had given out, but he was determined to stay up, at least balance long enough to be the one who didn't fall first. Unfortunately a stiff breeze sent him to the ground on his face.

"Hmm," Kasumi regarded the two men. "Looks like a tie. I didn't know Dr. Tofu was that good."

Tofu groaned as he opened his eyes again. "Damn." He reached up and reset his chipped glasses and tapped a few points on his body. He smacked himself on the shoulder twice. "Tut, tut. You had your chance." Tofu stood up and lumbered over to where Ranma was sitting on the ground without the use of his legs. "Now just lie still while I take care you."

"Huh?" Ranma stared dumbly at the man. "Weren't you just trying to kill me?"

"Well, yes," Tofu chortled and removed a few needles. "But I couldn't actually hurt you. I took an oath after all."

"Uh . . . okay."

When Tofu finished he bid them a goodnight and left for the clinic. Kasumi considered the fight for a moment. "That was pointless." She helped Ranma back onto his feet and glanced around for any other surprises. 

"Guess this wasn't a very good date, huh?" Ranma smirked a little, but it was easy to tell he felt bad about how terrible the night was.

Shrugging, Kasumi pulled out a piece of paper that she got at the bar last night. "We could still end it on a high note."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Ranma and Kasumi returned home late that night with smiles on their faces. Like the kids cutting curfew they were, they shambled as quietly as they could towards the house. His arm over her shoulder and her arm resting on top of his, the two martial artists looked like walking accident victims.

"Getting home late, are we?"

Lights flipped on and suddenly Ranma and Kasumi were staring at Nabiki and their parents in shock, a feeling that was equally returned.

Changing speeds quickly, Nabiki glared at Ranma. "What the hell did you do to my sister? That's not a cheap dress she's got rips in."

"My poor, little girl! Ranma, how dare you attack your fiancée! I'll kill you for harming Kasumi!"

Kasumi whapped Soun with her purse when he came within reach. "Bad father. Bad."

Ranma snickered. "Here, Nabiki. I didn't need it. Thanks."

The look on her sister's face when she got back her money made Kasumi giggle. 

Nabiki may have been stunned, but she still stashed the money away quickly. She stared at the two martial artists oddly. "You . . . You had fun then, oneechan."

Kasumi smiled.

Ranma's shoulders were shaking with laughter though he tried to hold it in. 

"We-We should get to bed, Nabiki," Kasumi giggled. "Rather tired after our date, you know. Very tired."

Ranma collapsed with laughter.

Getting a better hold of Ranma, Kasumi started dragging him towards the stairs. The underground arena fighting had worn them out after all.

End Chapter Six

***

I'm thinking of setting up a few crossovers in this story. Hard to say which ones since they usually just happen on accident, but I've got ideas.

Relationships are a little blurry right now. What does Ranma feel? What about Ryouga? Kasumi at least is not interested in any man in a romantic sense. That'd be icky.

Send C&C to jehtek@hotmail.com

Or visit my website at www.geocities.com/jehtek

Ja ne.


	7. The Calm within the Storm

Disclaimer: Until someone breaks Ranma 1/2 doesn't belong to me, but when I steal it I will have the power. And if you ever want it back you will have to pay me . . . ONE HANDRED DOLLARS! Muwah-Muwahahahahahah! Then Austin Powers, you are mine!

****

Not A Dirty Word

Chapter Seven - The Calm within the Storm

By Michael Fetter

"What are we doing again?"

Pull, pull.

"This isn't, I dunno, dangerous'n stuff, is it?"

Pull, pull.

"Cause I'm not afraid a danger or nuthin. Danger's my middle name."

Pull, pull.

"And I trust you completely. Someone who has never trained hard until about a year ago."

"Look, shut up, little Ranma, or I'll drop this boulder early and cave your head in."

"Gotcha."

Pull, pull.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Beginning the Bakusai Tenketsu training was a little rocky, but after the first few concussions, Ranma and Kasumi had a groove going.

"You know," Kasumi's voice slurred slightly as she hung upside down in her harness. "I'm not so sure this is safe."

". . ." the unconscious Ranma stated so eloquently that she would never forget. Then she passed out for a few hours.

The fire was crackling when Kasumi opened her eyes again. They'd only been at this for about a day and she was really starting to wonder about the sanity of the Amazon who must have designed this technique. Did the crazy, big-breasted man-hater think to herself, hey, I'd like to smash myself against a few boulders. Just for kicks.

Then, one day, years later, another amazon bimbo decides she doesn't like the hassle of throwing herself, why not make the boulder come to her! What a stupendous idea! And then, I'll get all the other simple-minded, no-clue, psychotic dips to call it an Amazon technique that way anyone who learns it will have to die because WE'RE ANAL LIKE THAT!!!

"Jeez. Are you all right, Kasumi." Ranma was holding Kasumi by the shoulders and it looked like he didn't know whether to laugh or be concerned. "People back home must heard ya. I bet."

"Huh?" Kasumi looked about the campsite they were sitting in, a number of birds fluttering around, still spooked by her screaming. "Did I actually say all of that," she wondered with a bit of awe.

"Yeah, but you kept saying ding and dang instead of any curse words."

"Dang."

Ranma cleared his throat and sat back down across from Kasumi and held out some of the camp food he cooked. "So about this training we're doing."

"Hmm?"

"You didn't tell me this was an Amazon technique."

She swallowed a little water from her canteen to wash down the salty food. "So?"

"Uh, well, I was wonderin how you knew about the Amazons."

Kasumi cursed, which ended up sounding like a name from the Bible. "Listen, little Ranma, we aren't supposed to know these techniques so you have to call them by some other name."

"If you say so." Ranma finished off his dinner with his usual gusto while Kasumi took her time. He decided to clean things himself since it took her so long to recover unlike him. Kasumi's aura was helping, but she needed conscious control to make it work. Ranma sat back down and stirred the fire. "So what do we call it?"

"Oh, something English so they'll think it came from North America. How about . . . Shatter Storm."

"Shitter Store?"

Kasumi eyed the pigtailed boy then rolled her eyes. "Still working on that English, huh?"

Ranma blushed, but didn't deny it.

"I'll think of something later. Just learn the technique for now."

He nodded and set down on his sleeping bag. A couple of days after their first date, Kasumi had decided they should train together more and he didn't mind. She wasn't a tomboy like Akane and it was easy to get along with her. It was strange though. Kasumi seemed to know things that he thought she shouldn't. Ranma supposed it didn't matter since they were going to learn it anyway. 

When she came up with the idea to go out on a training trip the fathers were more than ready to let them go, alone, unsupervised, and with the idea they'd be married by the time they returned. It got Ranma thinking since he and Kasumi didn't talk much during the first couple of weeks and then suddenly here they were. Maybe the date really did break the ice. Ranma thought he understood Kasumi better anyway.

On the other side of the dying fire, Kasumi wondered for the hundredth time if she'd ever see her kitchen again. "Akane better have stayed away from my beautiful oven."

Maybe they weren't as connected as Ranma thought, but they were getting there.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Things were coming along nicely.

There was nothing like massive blunt trauma to get the blood flowing. 

Kasumi hung upside down in her harness with a pile of rubble that used to be a boulder on the ground beneath her. She tried to work up the strength to smile, but it just hurt too much. It took her three days longer to finish the training than it did Ranma. Kasumi didn't feel too bad about that. Ranma had an awesome learning curve when it came to the martial arts and being a few days behind was something she could live with.

Smiling, Ranma took a hold of her harness line and set her on the ground gently. "How ya feel?"

"Did I lose any teeth?"

He shook his head.

"Then it only feels worse than it is."

"Well," Ranma continued to undo the straps and then toss them aside when Kasumi was free. "Should we rest for today and head home tomorrow. I've missed like a week of school already."

"It's all right. I can help you catch up," said Kasumi with her eyes closed. She was just relaxing and planned to continue to do so for at least a few more hours. "Did you have fun?"

Ranma grinned.

Shaking her head, Kasumi chortled. She liked Ranma much better this way. At home he was always so nervous or quiet because he didn't know how to act around her. She was a real girl where Akane was a tomboy and Nabiki was a bitch, though he'd never say that. It was like having a little brother the way he started paling around with her. Kasumi also got some satisfaction about giving Ranma some early training to deal with what is to come. It would at least shock the hell out of that old ghoul whenever she and her great granddaughter showed up.

There was also the fact that Kasumi was playing a more active roll in Ranma's life now. More than likely she would be drawn into the chaos and she'd rather be prepared herself instead of relying on Ranma. That wasn't like Michael or Kasumi.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Ranma had a brilliant idea.

Kasumi would at least call it that to make him feel better while he was recovering from being turned into a pancake.

Remember that remark about the Amazon that created the Bakusai Tenketsu training? Imagine an advanced version of such training in which the trainee is struck by not one, but two boulders at the same time. Except this time it is a dull-witted Japanese boy and not a big-breasted ditz.

"You're talking out loud again," Ranma groaned. He really shouldn't have tried to make up ridiculous training ideas on his own. 

"I know. I meant for you to hear it, you dingbat." Kasumi frowned at him from where she was stirring a pot of their spare rations. "You should probably see Dr. Tofu when we get back. Your head looks a little thinner than it was."

"Nah, I'm fine." He tried to sit up and fell onto his back with a painful groan. "Just need a little rest."

Kasumi rolled her eyes and walked over with a bowl of food. He wasn't going to be able to eat in this position. Thinking a moment, she sat down behind the boy and pulled him up so his head was resting against her chest. "Silly boy. Now open up."

"I can feed myself," Ranma protested though he couldn't move to release himself.

"Come on, little Ranma." Kasumi held up the spoon and circled it around his head. "Here comes the airplane to land in the hangar."

He grumbled, but obligingly opened his mouth. "This is humiliatin."

"You'll simply have to endure this grave injustice for one night, surrounded by no one, who will mock and incriminate you for the rest of your life."

He tensed.

Kasumi bopped him on the head. "I said you don't have anyone to worry about since there is no one around who will even care."

"Oh."

The bowl was finished with less fuss. Setting it aside, Kasumi remained seated with Ranma resting against her chest. She started thinking about all the other techniques that she could teach him, but worried about how soon others were likely to arrive.

As she sat there, Kasumi concentrated on her aura and wrapping it about Ranma's body. Where Ranma's confident aura has helped him in the manga and likely accelerated his healing, Kasumi was almost certain that her tranquility was even stronger with curative powers. There was no hostility in her spirit that would interfere with the healing process. Without telling Ranma, Kasumi decided to see if she was right.

"Do you want to marry me?" Ranma asked out of the blue.

Kasumi fumbled for a response for a moment. "What?"

"I'm not askin or nuthin, but I was just wonderin since we're engaged an all."

Sighing, Kasumi wrapped an arm around his shoulders. Ranma was starting to look better already, some cuts on his arms were healing as she watched. "Don't worry about that right now. There's plenty of time."

"I was just sayin," Ranma started again, "cause I could ask to be engaged to Nabiki or Akane if ya want. I mean, there's that Tofu guy and he loves you already."

Kasumi didn't say anything and Ranma decided to drop it. He didn't really want an answer to that yet anyway.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Coming back home felt like returning from a long journey. There were still questions running through Kasumi's mind, but she preferred to hold those off for later. Maybe they'd just go away given time. For now, she wanted a bath, a good meal, and to go over every inch of the house with a toothbrush.

Hey, you have your way to relax and Kasumi has hers.

"Home sweet home," Kasumi sighed as she held the door open for Ranma. They flipped off their shoes and dropped their packs with heavy thumps and the tension was released. "I get the first bath."

Ranma nodded.

Nabiki met them as they made it around the corner. She and the father's were looking a little pale and a light stream of smoke wafted out of the kitchen. "We-Welcome back you two," she stuttered.

The father's looked up slowly like two men resigned to their fates. Glassy eyes went clear as they recognized Kasumi and instantly both men were kneeling on either side of her, holding her hands and crying.

"Oh, Kasumi!" her father wailed, "I'm so happy to see you again!"

"I don't know how we made it without you!" Genma cried heavily though he seemed to stare out into space. Ranma waved his hand in front of his face and the man did not even blink.

Ranma pulled away, startled. "Uh, what happened to them?"

"Lunch!"

Kasumi and Ranma turned to the kitchen as everyone else in the room ducked behind the couch, shivering with fear. Akane stepped into the living room with a large bowl of something. Something, in this case, was a general term for something that looked like a two foot long living bugger, speckled with black spots that erupted with a brown gas.

Akane's progress stopped when she found Kasumi waiting for her. Glaring angrily, Akane slammed the bowl onto the table and stared her older sister in the eyes. "That victory was a fluke. I'm the best martial artist in Nerima and I want a rematch. No way is a prissy homemaker better than me!"

Kasumi blinked and then tilted her head slightly with an innocent smile. "So no grudges, huh?"

"Don't try it. It's not going to work this time, Kasumi." Akane jabbed her finger into Kasumi's chest and was only slightly surprised when she had to cradle it afterwards. "I challenge you. We'll see who the real heir to the Tendou School of Anything Goes is."

"You mean again," Kasumi corrected. "I've already earned that title. So you're going to try and challenge me for it again."

Akane's face burned red and took a moment to make sure she didn't explode. "Tomorrow in the dojo," she growled through clenched teeth. With that, Akane turned on her heel and stomped up the stairs to her room. 

Kasumi waited for her little sister to slam her door before releasing her breath. She turned to the fathers with a stern look. "If you take care of this garbage quickly," she pointed at the bowl on the table, "I will make lunch."

Even half-blind, Genma was surprisingly quick to pick up on this task with Soun. There was a small explosion from where they must have tried to dump the 'food'. 

Kasumi sighed and looked at Ranma. "You take the first bath. I'll get something made when you're done."

Still stunned, Ranma nodded and left for the furo.

"Oh, thank you!" Nabiki held Kasumi about the waist tightly. "I know what I said before, but I take it all back. I don't want you to leave ever again. Never ever. You are my favorite, safest cook in the world. Please don't leave me alone with Akane again!"

The girl had strength, Kasumi thought as her face turned a little blue. She must be delirious if she's pleading. Kasumi pulled the girl's arm away and led her towards the kitchen. Looking oblivious once again, Kasumi smiled cheerily. "So, has everything been okay while little Ranma and I were away?"

Nabiki sweatdropped. "No one died if that's what you mean."

Without looking, Kasumi reached beneath the sink for a flame-thrower and torched the stove. Bestial screams slowly tapered off after five minutes. Nabiki didn't flinch; must have been used to it by now.

"You should be careful tomorrow, sis," Nabiki warned as she sat down at the small kitchen table. "Akane's become obsessed with beating you. She's been training even into the night and I swear I saw her glowing a few times. She even skipped out on some Gymnastics Martial Arts challenge to continue her training."

Kasumi tried to frown at that. She gave up when her smile just brightened. Chiseling the excrement from the counter tops was a lot easier after the training with Ranma. Flipping a blackened piece into the garbage, Kasumi rinsed her hands with hot water and surgeon's soap. "I always thought Akane was spirited."

"Spirited isn't the word for it," Nabiki muttered. "So how was the trip with Ranma? Tell him you were gay yet?"

Kasumi stared at the rice bag she'd dropped.

Nabiki grinned. "It doesn't matter to me, oneechan. Whatever makes you happy, and who knows? Maybe Ranma would be into that kind of thing."

"That kind of thing?" Kasumi cocked her head to one side in thought.

Rolling her eyes, Nabiki nodded. "He is a girl half of the time. I certainly don't buy into that manly crap he and his father have been spouting since they got here. Ranma's overcompensating a wee bit methinks."

A brief fantasy of a sweaty, sexually satisfied Ranma-chan entered Kasumi's mind. "I wouldn't force little Ranma to do something unnatural."

"You're blushing," Nabiki grinned. "Hey, Ranma could handle a little it and you could probably do a little in return."

Kasumi nodded. "It would be fair," but it's still not going to happen, she added silently. Sex with a man? Him sticking that in there? Kasumi would sooner declare herself celibate and burn off her erogenous zones with a hot poker.

"So what sort of training were you two doing anyway?"

Smiling, Kasumi started preparing and edible lunch. "Oh, you know, the usual."

-------------------------------------------------------------------

A few months later, Ranma met up with Herb, prince of the Musk. The two came to blows and it ended with Ranma being splashed by the Closed Water Ladle. Kasumi made all the appropriate soothing remarks while cheering internally. After that she began to teach Ranma the many uses of her new permanent form. She made the redhead scream with pleasure for hours. Scream and scream and

-BEEEEP! BEEEEP! BEEEP!

"Huh? Wha?" The alarm clock met a swift end as Kasumi smashed it easily upon awakening.

Staring blankly at her Spartan room, Kasumi slowly sat up and tried to rub the sleep out of her eyes. "Damn, Nabiki," she cursed with Ned Flander like flare, "Now she's got me all hot and bothered thinking about it."

It was early morning the day after she and Ranma returned from their training trip. Kasumi usually got up early to start breakfast and get a head start on her chores. There would be plenty to do after more than a week of neglect. With a yawn, she untangled herself from her sheets. The bed was a mess and a slight stain in the center made her blush. Stupid dream.

Grabbing some clothes, Kasumi left for the furo, uncaring of her nudity. No one else would be awake now anyway.

"It's ridiculous," Kasumi told herself. "It would never work out. Ranma would expect to be a guy at least some of the time and I couldn't just trap him in his cursed form. Darn body would probably have me beating myself every night. Though it would have been nice." She sighed and opened the furo door and stepped into the changing room. "I'm an adult anyway so I can refuse and it's not like father would be upset with me. He'd just move the engagement to someone else. Although, I don't think Ranma wants to marry Nabiki or Akane. I suppose I could just hold off until Akane is eighteen also so no one has to go through with it."

Thinking that over for a moment, Kasumi set her clothes down and nodded to herself. It was a good plan. No one, even now, argued with Kasumi Tendou. "It's too bad though," Kasumi noted with a wry grin, "little Ranma-chan is a sexy little vixen."

She opened the door.

Ranma-chan sat frozen on one of the stools in the middle of splashing herself with one of the buckets of water. Her body was already a bright pink when Kasumi entered. As they stood there silently, Ranma had the time to look over Kasumi's body and let her blush increase a few more notches.

"This is awkward," said Kasumi.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Akane was already in the dojo when she arrived. Her yellow gi was starting to fray around the cuffs and collar. While it looked like Akane was meditating, the angry red aura surrounding her suggested otherwise. Akane was focusing her anger and hatred into her battle aura and aiming it all at Kasumi.

Kasumi paused when her little sister's eyes opened and for a moment they looked like they burned with fire.

Ranma and the others took seats around the dojo to witness the battle. The boy blushed when he looked at Kasumi, but thankfully no one else had noticed yet.

"Are you ready?" It sounded more like a demand rather than a question. Akane stood up and stepped right into a fighting stance.

Kasumi could say something corny about fighting angry, but she decided to hold it back. Akane was angry and it might be better to let her just get it out a little. "I am, little sister," Kasumi answered, standing loosely with her arms raised.

Rather than the gi Akane wore, Kasumi had settled for some loose pants and blouse. Her hair was tied back with a blue ribbon and her feet were bare. As Akane's aura was already flaring, Kasumi built up her own though she kept it out of sight.

Swallowing, Ranma stepped between the two and raised one hand. "To knockout or forfeit. Winner is the heir to the Tendou School of Anything Goes." When both girls nodded Ranma dropped his hand and jumped back to the sides. "Fight!"

Kasumi quickly discovered what Nabiki had been talking about. Akane's attacks were still straightforward and simple, her speed the same, but her focus was greater. Akane had cut down on the wasted motion and was no longer swinging blindly like she would for a mob of boys. This put more power behind her punches and gave her greater accuracy.

Blocking one punch, Kasumi wasn't ready for the snap kick that caught her in the stomach and sent her flying across the dojo and through the wall.

"Kasumi!" Ranma called out. His father held him back for the moment.

The dust settled and everyone saw the eldest Tendou daughter walking back through the wall and smiling gently. "You seem angry, little sister. Is there something you want to talk about?"

Akane growled and rushed forward. 

Rather than stay in one place, Kasumi began to bob around the room like Ranma would in their sparring matches. Finishing the fight with fists wasn't going to settle whatever Akane's problem was. Kasumi would draw the fight out and try to get through to her sister.

Ducking a kick and back flipping over the next, Kasumi extended a finger that touched a point on Akane's left elbow. "You know there are other ways to become the heir to the Tendou School, Akane. All you have to do is train a little."

"And what do you think I've been doing, Kasumi," the girl growled back. Her left hand went limp so she just jabbed out with her elbow instead.

Taking a hold of the arm, Kasumi pulled Akane through and dropped her to the ground on her back. "I'm not sure, Akane. You break a lot of bricks and beat up some boys, but I don't think that's training."

Sweeping her feet out, Akane rolled off of the floor. "I've been training since I was six. You stopped. I had to learn on my own how to fight."

"Yes, I stopped," Kasumi agreed. "But all I had to do was ask father to train me again when I was ready. You could have done the same."

"He wouldn't train me. Daddy was happy to just forget about us and cry over mom!" Tears started to well up in Akane's eyes, but she pushed them away with another burst of her aura and attacked again. "He didn't care what we needed. So I wasn't going to ask. He gave up on us so why should I give a shit about him!"

Caught off guard, Kasumi took a hit to the chin that through her onto her back. Continuing to roll backwards and onto her feet, Kasumi dodged the axe kick that would have caught her knee. Akane was raising the stakes the longer this match played out. Rushing forward, Kasumi flowed around an uppercut and thrust her knee into Akane's stomach and picked up a quick turning kick to her sister's head to put some distance between them.

"We all missed mother, Akane. It was going to take some time for any of us to get over her death, but that doesn't mean father stopped caring." Kasumi watched her sister work out her neck and take a new stance. "He was always worried about you when you got into fights at school. Father was always there when you needed him. But that has nothing to do with this fight, does it?"

Akane remained where she was silently. She still scowled, but Akane's eyes had looked away from Kasumi. Maybe from shame? Her aura picked up again and she glared at her sister. "I don't care. I'm the heir, not you. I've been training on my own for ten years. It may not be Anything Goes, but I'm still the best martial artist in Nerima!"

Sighing, Kasumi tilted her head out of the way of the first punch. Falling into a handstand, Kasumi thrust both of her heels into Akane's chin.

The younger sister took the hit full on and bounced off of the ceiling. Akane wasn't unconscious when she landed, but she very wobbly on her feet.

Closing her eyes, Kasumi concentrated on her aura again and brought it out to let it float like feathery clouds about her body. Calmly and quietly she strode right up to her little sister and placed both hands on her shoulders. Kasumi kissed her younger sister and allowed a part of her aura to flow through the connection. Akane's red battle aura died out in a few moments and the girl was left sobbing silently.

"It's . . it's just not fair," Akane whimpered and hugged her older sister tightly. "I try so hard to be like mom, but I can't do it. I know I can't cook very well, but I thought that was okay so long as I was a martial artist like she was."

So the truth came out. Kasumi stared at the girl sadly and let her cry against her chest. Akane was upset that she couldn't be like their mother. The woman raised three children and helped father in the dojo. Those were the standards Akane had set herself to. Those were the standards only Kasumi had met and Akane never would.

Kasumi cooed her sister for a moment and sat her down on the floor where Akane continued to cling to her. "It's all right, Akane. Mother was a special person, but so are you. Mother had many talents, but so do you. Those are the things that make you special."

Tears streaming down her face, Akane looked at her sister in confusion.

"Mother was the best person she could be, but there was only one of her. No one else can be mother, not even me."

Akane shook her head. "But- . . ."

Smiling sadly, Kasumi strung her fingers through Akane's long, blue hair. "To truly honor mother we must be the best we can be, not replace her."

"I miss her."

"I know, little sister, but you don't have to worry." Kasumi pulled at the small gold cross hanging around her neck. With practiced ease she undid the clasp. "Mother is in heaven now, but she is also with us."

Akane stared at the cross sitting in her sister's hand. It used to be mother's, but she left it to Kasumi as a gift.

"I have my faith," Kasumi smiled and placed the necklace on Akane. "Maybe this will help you find yours."

Tears spilling over her cheeks, Akane touched the little cross resting against her chest. She squeezed her eyes shut and buried her head in Kasumi's bosom. "I love you, oneechan. I'm sorry I was bad."

"I love you too, little sister." Kasumi and Akane sat there on the dojo floor. They didn't care about the people watching or that the fight had been forgotten. There was never a reason to fight in the first place.

"Real Kodak moment, eh Ranma?"

Ranma stared at Nabiki a moment. Despite her uncaring attitude, he could see the strain in her eyes as they tried to hold back tears. He gave her a little nudge towards her sisters and then pulled his father out of the dojo to give them some privacy. 

Soun remained where he was for a long time, a sad and happy smile on his face.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Kasumi?"

"I'm up here, little Ranma," she called back. Kasumi had been sitting up on the roof since dinner was finished. Akane seemed much better now, calmer if nothing else. The fight hadn't settled everything for Akane except as far as Kasumi and their mother was concerned. Hopefully from here on out things would continue to get better.

Kasumi did feel a little loss without the cross around her neck, but she didn't need it anymore. Since Michael had arrived she didn't have those doubts Akane was suffering from anymore. A little outside perspective had set her straight.

A shadow crossed the moon as Ranma leapt onto the roof and smirked at her. "Heh, thought I was the only one who went up here." He strolled over calmly and sat down next her, more comfortable after the time they started spending around each other. "Are you an Akane alright now?"

"She'll get there eventually." Opening her eyes, Kasumi stared at Ranma with a little twinkle in her eyes. "So what did you think?"

"About what?" he looked at her confused.

"Why, my devastating ki attack of course."

"Huh?"

"I'm thinking of calling it," Kasumi twirled once and bent over slightly with a hand at her mouth like she was blowing a kiss, "the SUGAR HEART KISS ATTACK!" When she caught Ranma's incredulous look she shrugged and sat back down. "That or Starlight Honeymoon Therapy Kiss, but that sounds cheesy."

Laughing heartily, Ranma leaned over and placed a kiss on Kasumi's lips. He smiled, "Only you, Kasumi."

Kasumi blinked

A moment later, Kasumi left the boy with his face embedded in the roof as she stormed off. "Pervert."

End Chapter Seven

***

Gag me with a spoon. That was a little touchy-feelly at the end there. Stuff like that won't happen too often, but then again this is Kasumi's life. The Ranma 1/2 story line is going to start falling apart even faster now with the changes the new Kasumi has started. 

Next on 'Not a Dirty Word': Ryouga Returns!

Send C&C to jehtek@hotmail.com

Or visit my website at www.geocities.com/jehtek

Ja ne.


	8. Singing in the Rain

Disclaimer: . . . Maybe some other time. Just read the story for now.

****

Not A Dirty Word

Chapter Eight - Singing in the Rain

By Michael Fetter

Being lost most of his life, Ryouga didn't get to school much and even then he would be hesitant to read a story about love. Those sorts of things make all guys squeamish. He also had a bad experience with his mother when she told him a bedtime story about some gaijin named Rapunzel who let down her golden hair. He didn't need someone to explain that to him. He knew exactly what was really being asked. After all, a guy was asking a girl to let down her hair. Yeah, damned hentais!

Still, that didn't help him figure out how to deal with Ranma-chan. He couldn't believe he'd gone on a voyage of vengeance just because she was kind to him in middle school. Ryouga could remember it all clearly now. The watery sheen in the redhead's eyes each time he was mean to her when all she wanted to do was help him.

The fact Ranma hadn't gotten his curse until years later didn't come up in his mind.

"Oh, Ranma-chan, what a fool I was! The pain I must have put you through, but I swear I will make it better!" Ryouga pledged with a fist to the moon.

Actually it looked like a mirror ball. 

"But what do I do now?" Ryouga asked rhetorically. "I won't let some little girl steal you from me, but how can I oppose such a sweet girl like Kasumi?"

"Sounds like a real problem."

"Huh?" Ryouga looked up and found he was sitting at a bar where the bartender had placed a free margarita in front of him. The man spoke with an odd lisp, probably from all of the lip-gloss he wore. "I guess."

The man nodded, his dangling earrings clacking. "You want to tell me about it? Maybe between the two of us something would pop up?"

Ryouga took a hesitant sip of his drink after pushing aside a few umbrellas. "Just this girl I went to school with a few years ago?"

"Girl?"

"We went to an all-boys school together and she would always help me out," Ryouga answered with a faraway look.

The man nodded in understanding. "What happened? Did she break your heart?"

"No. I just didn't realize what a wonderful person she was until now. It's too late though. She's got someone else now."

"Pish-posh," the man snapped and slapped Ryouga with a limp wrist. "Don't you know the saying, 'Nothing's over until someone pays the bill'?"

"Huh?"

"I mean," the man sighed dramatically and leaned in closer, "Love doesn't have a time limit and whoever your man is with right now it's the guy that's with him at the end of the day that counts."

Ryouga bit his lip and took a long sip of his drink, wiping away a little salt. "You mean, I shouldn't give up? But they're engaged."

"So? All's fair in love and war as they say."

Downing the last of the drink, Ryouga stood up, somewhat unsteadily. "You're right! I haven't lost Ranma yet! I didn't track her for two years just to come away empty handed now!"

One of the men at the bar watched the young Japanese boy rush out, waving about a large umbrella. "What was that about, Buddy?"

"Just had to set a few things straight with the new generation," Buddy responded with a smile. At the man's incredulous look, he sniffed and wiped at his leather corset. "Not literally, you fag."

--------------------------------------------------------------------

"Something on your mind, Saotome?" Nabiki asked idly as she noted the new attitude of her younger sister. The little heart to heart yesterday seems to have changed Akane's outlook quite a bit. Unfortunately, her little sister had forgotten certain things.

Ranma stopped beside Nabiki on his way to class. He'd been sullen since last night, trying to figure out what he had done wrong to get Kasumi to slap him. The two of them might be sparring partners, but Kasumi had never struck out in anger. She always smiled, until he kissed her.

"I guess," Ranma pouted. "Hey, Nabiki, what's a sexy, little victim?"

Nabiki was blank. Where had that come from? "Where'd you hear that?"

Ranma blushed. He wasn't too certain he should be talking about this, but was sure this was where the problem was. He wasn't good with customs and slang, so he thought he should ask about it. "Kasumi."

Nabiki's confusion deepened as she tried to place the question within some sort of context. Victim? "She said this to you? When?"

Normally red was something people associated with Ranma's cursed form, but his face was about to go supernova and Nabiki was sure this was going to be amusing. She leaned in closer when he said something. "What was that, Ranma? You were where?"

"Furo," Ranma mumbled. "Kasumi was getting changed and was talkin bout me before she walked in on me."

Nabiki smiled, amused. "Getting bold, are we? Only engaged a month and already bathing together?"

"It's not like that!" Ranma looked panicked and glanced about the area to see if anyone else had heard. Most of the people left in the courtyard weren't looking at them and Nabiki's friends were spread out amongst the crowd. "It was an accident," Ranma continued. "I was just washin up after sparrin with pops and I didn't hear nothin and she walks in, still tired. We didn't do nuthin except stare at each other a second. I didn't even stare. Not that she ain't pretty or nuthin, but I ain't some kinda-"

Nabiki raised her hand. "Alright. Alright, Saotome. Chill. So she called you a sexy little victim." She smirked; figuring that Ranma probably misheard. Maybe she could play with his mind just a little bit more. It's not like it would hurt anything. It might even help Kasumi out a bit. "Well, she did tell me she thought you were cute."

"Huh?" Ranma's ramblings had been derailed as Nabiki spoke. Cute? Him?

"Oh yeah. Couldn't stop thinking about you since you arrived. It's just too bad."

Though he would rather think of himself as handsome or manly, Ranma found some pleasure in being called cute. He wasn't vain, but it was good to know that Kasumi didn't hate this engagement. Ranma was sure the whole affair would blow up in his face considering how he and Kasumi were being pushed together. Actually, only he was being pressured really. Kasumi somehow controlled her father with ease. 

Ranma was still preening himself when the rest of the conversation caught up with his brain. "Too bad? Whatcha mean by that? What's too bad?"

"Well, I mean," Nabiki glanced at the ground demurely, "You heard her. She was so happy to have such a nice, young man for a fiancée; she doesn't get out much so she doesn't meet many guys. And then here you are and you're almost perfect, but you could never really accept her."

Blink. "Huh?"

"Don't you get it, Ranma?" Nabiki asked with a sad sigh. "If it weren't for you she'd be the happiest girl in the world."

Blink-blink. "What do ya mean, Nabiki? What'd I do? First ya said she was happy and thought I was cute and now yer sayin she's upset bout somethin. Yer not makin any sense. Kasumi's happy, ain't she?"

Nabiki shrugged non-commitally. "I suppose. There's nothing you could do about it really. After all, Kasumi does the cooking, cleaning, and helps you deal with school, but she really shouldn't expect anything from you. It's her duty as the older person to take care of the little boy. But don't worry, Saotome, Kasumi's been taking care of Akane and me for a long time, so she's used to it. I'm sure she's prepared to remain at home for the rest of her life. While you have all of these adventures without her, she'll be happy to hear about them when you get back and just dream about having a real life. Nothing you could do for her." 

Nabiki watched as Ranma's blank expression ran through several changes from concern to anger and finishing off with determination. "Hey," Ranma growled, "there ain't nothin Ranma Saotome can't do. Kasumi's done a lot for me since I got here, and I can do something for her too. You just tell me what it is that'll make her happy and leave it to me. I'm her fiancé, right?"

"Well," Nabiki bit her lip and looked him over. "If you think so, Ranma. That's why she called you that though. A sexy, little victim. Someone she liked, but who couldn't do anything for her."

"Don't you worry, Nabiki," Ranma patted her shoulder soothingly. "You just tell me what I gotta do and everything will be okay."

Nodding her head slowly, Nabiki pinched her side to keep from smiling. "If you're sure, Ranma. Meet me after school and I'll try to explain."

"You bet," Ranma smiled happily, already believing things would be better in no time. It was a good thing Kasumi slapped him or he'd never realized something was wrong.

As Ranma started to leave a cry rose up amongst the crowd as a familiar, young girl approached the school. Ranma tuned it out as he usually did since the first day. Akane didn't like him getting in her way. He was glad he wasn't engaged to her after seeing what she was really like. While they got along okay, Akane was a bit too violent for his liking. 

As Ranma left, Kuno approached Nabiki from the opposite direction. There had been a brief 'dispute' over who Akane was engaged to, but Nabiki cleared things up since this was Kasumi's fiancée. 

"Nabiki Tendou, was that not the cur Ranma Saotome that had just departed," Tatewaki asked, staring back at the school doors.

Nabiki rolled her eyes. After the Akane dilemma, Kuno found something new to fixate on that happened to include Ranma in order to get in a few fights. Unfortunately, the 'pigtailed goddess' was Ranma's and there wasn't much they could do about it. "You know it was, Kuno-baby. Something I can do for you?"

Tatewaki turned fully to Nabiki and stared at her intently. "How is his engagement to thine older sister proceeding. His eyes do not stray to the fierce Akane, do they?"

Nabiki laughed and slapped him across the face in the guise of innocence. "You don't have to worry your pretty head over it, Kuno. Ranma and my sister have been getting along rather well, I think."

Still trying to decipher why Ranma hadn't gone after Akane, Tatewaki shrugged. "That is fortunate. I quite remember your charming, older sister and would not wish to hear of some abuse."

"Now, now. You know that I take care of my family. If I thought something like that was happening Ranma would be in the poor house before he could pull out his wallet. Besides, he's a puppy dog and I've got my leash securely on his collar."

"Verily," Tatewaki stood uncomfortably in her presence at the mention of collars. She wiggled her eyebrows and he could not stop himself from blushing. Setting those thoughts securely to the side, he regained some of his composure. "Tell me, Nabiki Tendou, hast thou secured information on my pigtailed goddess, who I long to see?"

There was a thought. Nabiki took a moment to consider her answer for Kuno. She had originally planned to let Ranma pay for what she had planned after school, but it might be more entertaining to have Tatewaki foot the bill. "You could say that, but it will cost you. Let's say five thousand. It wasn't easy to get a hold of her."

The money was handed over quickly. "A paltry sum to bask in her vision," he said with a certain loss of intelligence in his eyes and a little drool at the corner of his mouth.

Pocketing the money first, Nabiki nodded. "I'll be meeting her after school at the Orient. She's got a thing for Chinese style."

Eyes wide, Tatewaki stood tall and pointed his bokken at the open blue sky. "And I shall be there to ensure her loveliness is wrapped in the finest silks!" Lightning flashed and ran down his wooden sword. A moment later Akane passed by, not missing a chance to crack him one in the balls.

"You are so easy, Kuno-baby," Nabiki smirked at the groaning boy and then skipped off to class. A happy Nabiki was cause for alarm in Furinkan and people got out of her way quickly. "Talk about getting my cake and eating it too." She smirked.

One of her debtors went pale and fainted on the spot.

"I feel like making some money!" Nabiki chortled to her frightened underlings. "Go round up some debtors."

Shrieks of terror sounded throughout the school day.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Love is an irrational thing, Michael theorized. Not in the traditional sense that love chooses its victims, but from a different direction.

Before his banishment, Michael had a few off and on relationships. There was usually a common theme among the girls: short, dark hair, and could stand to be around him when he got moody. Sometimes it was like lightning and when it struck his heart would beat like an epileptic on steroids. Other times it crept up on him.

Yes, love could be random at times, but it could also be conditioned. Place any two people in a room long enough and they will either kill each other or fall in love. There is that thin line between love and hate after all. But Michael thought that even if they killed each other, some bond would have sprung up between two people. 

Take Kasumi and Tofu for instance. The doctor was a gentleman: intelligent, well spoken, and levelheaded. For many years now he had been falling in love with Kasumi, probably since she was ten and first took Akane to the doctor after she got into a fight.

There was nothing wrong with the man physically either. Tofu was a martial artist with a strong, lean body. He was handsome and maybe a little bishounen. Though he was reaching his mid thirties, Tofu could have passed for someone in their twenties. 

Kasumi's only theory for why he was in love with her was that he was a pedophile. While Kasumi would try to overlook such a shortcoming, Michael had a need to abuse the man.

"Swing, Betty, swing!" Tofu cried happily as he launched his skeleton into the air and caught it like a gymnastics routine. Patients had already vacated the area of his practice and quivered in fear behind any solid object they could crawl to.

Just behind him, Kasumi was running in little, delicate steps after him in her housedress. 

"Oh, doctor Tofu! I think I have a fever! Maybe you should stick your thermometer in my mouth!" 

Steam was pouring out of Tofu's ears as he pranced gaily into the middle of traffic. "La lala la, lala!"

Kasumi put the back of her hand to her forehead and nearly swooned. "I'm feeling faint! Perhaps a protein shot will help?"

Tofu hugged Betty so tightly the plastic ribs were about to break. "Hehehehehe!"

Kasumi tried to follow as the doctor jumped on top of a nearby fence and performed a series of pirouettes. "It hurts when I bend over like this. Could you examine me?" 

Tofu balked and fell onto the fence. When Kasumi looked back he was hopping up and down on his crotch, somehow still spinning on the fence. 

She placed a hand to her cheek. "Perhaps that was a bit much." After watching for a few more minutes, Michael shrugged and Kasumi decided it was time to continue shopping like she planned. "Well, that was fun."

Without the amusement of following Tofu around any longer, Kasumi thoughts drifted back to the night before on the roof. It was an innocent thing really, but it bothered her deeply, especially the body's reactions. 

Kasumi hummed when Michael tried to hiss in annoyance at how tight the bra felt. Kasumi's mind was bringing up images of the kiss, some more imaginative than Michael would have thought possible for Kasumi. She slapped her thigh as a distraction. "Oh, I do not like him that much. Knock it off Kasumi. I'm not a real girl." The image continued to persist. "God, I hope I'm not turning bi. Stupid, traditional, Japanese housewife types."

It didn't matter, Michael told himself. When the fun was over he . . . she would be out of here. There was no way he planned to stay in Nerima as the Tendou's maid. The Ranma universe couldn't be limited to just Nerima and Jusenkyou. There had to be other things to see out there. 

This wasn't the first time Kasumi thought of travel. If this 'life' was Michael's punishment then there would probably be other animes or something intertwined. He'd been pretty abusive of the Sailor Moon series as well. It might be fun to run into those girls and mess with their minds. Maybe Sailor Moon could even get him back his own body.

Still, he probably would have heard something about them if they did exist in this world.

Sighing, Kasumi realized she had to make more practical plans since it was likely she'd be stuck here the rest of her life. "What should I do when this is all over. I hadn't really thought that far. I'm definitely not staying. Taking care of father the rest of my life sounds rather dull and he'll probably try to marry me off to some guy." 

Kasumi's body decided to flush at the thought and bring back the image of the kiss that had now somehow occurred in Paris with two glasses of wine between her and an older Ranma. "Oh, knock it off!"

Grumbling, Kasumi clenched her hand around her purse and continued towards the mall. "I could travel. Make some more money and see what else there is in this world. There has to be more in this Ranma universe than Nerima and Jusenkyou."

Kasumi paused when something sleek and powerful caught her eye.

"Hmm." She smiled.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Ranma didn't fear many things in his life. In fact, he'd say he didn't fear anything. Well, he was a she at the moment and the building standing before her scared the blood out of her cheeks.

Ranma tugged at the hand holding her wrist. "Wait, I'm not sure about this anymore."

Nabiki grinned and pulled the redhead through the door. Ranma nearly passed out when they walked by a mannequin in a teddy. "Don't back out on this now, Ranma. You're the one that wanted to do this and it is for Kasumi. Are you saying you want to disappoint her after everything she's done for you?"

Wiping at her nose, Ranma stared at the floor with a pout. ". . . No."

"Then let's go."

"Hello, welcome to the Orient. Can I help you?" The counter woman smiled at the two girls. She was dressed in a nice skirt and blouse to make people feel comfortable while she folded some underwear.

Nabiki presented Ranma-chan to the lady. "Yes. We're looking for something that will make my friend look . . . womanly."

Ranma winced.

She winced more when a windbag started playing.

"So it is true," Tatewaki proclaimed as he stepped into the Chinese clothes store with his bokken out, "my pigtailed goddess wishes to peruse such feminine affects to catch my eye. See what you will, my fiery temptress, and I shall afford these delicate garments for thee!"

". . ." Said Ranma.

Nabiki and the cashier grinned. Tatewaki passed off his credit card and the woman nearly whooped when she gazed upon the platinum exterior. Not a card with platinum paint, actual platinum. She took his arm and Ranma's then led them deeper into the store. "Well, in that case, let me show you something very special."

It was pure hell. Girlie things surrounded Ranma. Some made her blush and others made her gag. Did dresses have to be so disgustingly feminine? They were all patterned and so tight she wouldn't need a bra. Only tramps would wear these sorts of things. There was not a respectable piece . . .

Ranma examined the silk garment with a slit riding up towards the hip. "This should be good."

Over the next half-hour the sometimes girl went in and out of the dressing room with a number of items 'helpfully' picked out by the cashier and Nabiki. Tatewaki was shaking too much to grab something, which was a good thing. He did offer his opinion whether people wanted him to or not.

Ranma walked to the mirror and spun like Nabiki asked. She was starting to get tired from all of the walking between the mirror and changing room. "How about this one?"

A wad of Kleenex shoved up his nose made Tatewaki sound a little whiny. "Your form becomes more splendid with every moment."

Ranma grimaced, but at least he wasn't touching anything. The girl in the mirror was pretty hot though. So she wouldn't hit him for being truthful.

Circling the redhead and pulling at the dress in a few places, Nabiki weighed her decision. She checked the running total and noticed Tatewaki was unknowingly purchasing about twenty thousand-yen worth of clothes for her and twice that for Ranma. "How about something that shows a little more back?" Nabiki suggested. Tatewaki was good for a few thousand more yen.

Ranma sighed and returned to the dressing room. The last dress was tossed over the screen and landed in a pile atop the others.

Tatewaki rubbed his hands together while his eyes glazed over. "Heeheehee."

The boy was leaned over in his chair, gurgling copious amounts of saliva that dribbled down his chin in thick ropes. The dressing room attendant had slipped several times already. Nabiki grabbed one of the dresses Ranma had discarded and waved it in the boy's face. "Bib?"

Tatewaki buried his face in the scent and nearly fell out of his chair.

Shaking her head, Nabiki waited for the next item up on display. She blinked when a new voice came from the dressing room.

"Where in the world am I now?!"

"EEK!"

Nabiki winced at the sound of a hard slap and then Ryouga falling into the room.

"Ack! Ranma!" The boy got up on his knees bowed his head down to the floor, smacking it against the ground several times. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I didn't see anything, I swear!"

Full feminine fury, Ranma-chan can pounding out of the dressing room with a shirt held up against her chest. Her hands flexed like they wanted to tear someone's throat out. "Ryouga what were you doing in my dressing room?!"

Ryouga couldn't find a good excuse so he tried to be honest. "Looking for Calcutta?"

". . ."

When he wasn't hit, Ryouga peeked at her through his hair. "Nice breasts-DRESS! I said dress." Ranma's face started to turn red and Ryouga backed up nervously. "Is it getting hot here? Did someone turn on the hooter? I'm going out for a breast of fresh air!"

Throughout this, Tatewaki was dividing his attention between the half-naked Ranma and the words coming out of Ryouga's mouth. Coming to the right conclusion for once, Tatewaki grabbed for his long stick. "Knave! You dare enter my pigtailed goddess's presence unasked?! Only I should be permitted to witness her naked glory! Have at thee!"

Ryouga was busy shoving bandannas up his nose as he was chased out of the store. "Tits wasn't like that!"

The door slowly shut as the shouting died out. The cashier nearly screamed when she noticed the damage done to the store, but then remembered the card Tatewaki had left with her. Picking up a few of the garments, she told Ranma the dress did look nice and would ring it up with the others.

". . ." Ranma stared at the door for several moments and then sniffed. "Pervert." Snagging the next dress from the pile, she headed for the dressing room. A second later her head poked back out and Ranma glared at the girl howling on the floor. "Stop laughing!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Some new sweat pants and t-shirts were placed into Kasumi dresser when she returned from her day of shopping and wandering around town. By some stoke of luck she passed nearby a home that probably wouldn't be standing for more than a few more months. It was a little weary looking anyway.

"Kasumi," Akane whined as she returned home from school. Kasumi wondered where Ranma was.

"In my room," Kasumi called back. She finished putting away her things to receive her sister. The young girl moped into the room and sat on her bed without asking. "Something wrong, Akane?"

"Those jerks at school are still bothering me. I like the martial arts, but this is getting ridiculous. They didn't even listen to me when I said I didn't want to fight."

Kasumi frowned. Michael stuck out his tongue and pulled down his eyelid. "I'm sorry to hear that, Akane. What are you going to do?"

"What can I do?" Akane complained and tugged at her new necklace. "All boys are perverts anyway. If I talk to them they'll just think I'm coming on to them or something. Boys are such pigs."

P-chan walked by, pulling at his backpack.

Kasumi smiled. "I'm sure everything will work out in the end, Akane."

"How?"

Holding the girl's shoulders, Kasumi thought. "Baby steps. Nothing happens because you want it to. You have to make it happen. The more complicated the problem, the more practice one needs."

Akane thought hard about that. It didn't make a whole lot of sense to her considering she didn't need to work that hard to make a perfect meal. "I don't understand."

Kasumi pat the girl's shoulder. "You don't have a lot of experience with preventing fights, do you?"

Akane flushed. She did usually hit first and ask questions later, but boys were perverts and they deserved it. "How do I do that, oneechan?"

Kasumi noticed a few scrolls lying on the floor and kicked them under her bed. "Baby steps, imouto-chan. Baby steps."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Baby steps? Michael snorted. God, what was he going to think of next?

Kasumi sighed and considered the likelihood of Akane retaining her calm, rational mind when it next came to dealing with the morning mob.

Michael again collapsed in laughter.

It was a nice new day out. With the kids off at school, Kasumi was free to continue on her merry way. Yesterday she'd gotten a few things she'd need for training and now she was ready to pump some iron! Michael would stop to flex if he could, but there wasn't enough testosterone to get his body moving like that.

Instead, Kasumi hummed a merry tune that could have been a Pantera song. 

"Good morning, miss."

Kasumi smiled at the nice receptionist and showed the girl her pass card. It was a nice training center. Kasumi had checked it's cleaning record before joining.

All of the assistants wore white polo shirts and tan shorts. Of course, being a random background character meant your description was going to be stereotyped. 

The young woman smiled pleasantly in return after checking the card and handed Kasumi a towel. "Enjoy your workout."

"Thank you."

Ah yes, the Nerima Fitness Club, home to hundreds of different workout machines, free weights, yoga room, sauna, track, and an Olympic size pool. There was enough convenience here you'd hardly know you were working out.

Kasumi took a quick look around and headed over to the treadmills for a nice jog. Maybe some of those nice looking Nordictracks afterwards.

"Hey, I know you."

Blinking in surprise, Kasumi looked to her left to a tall man running beside her. He was another stereotype, but this one was a body builder. He was beefy with a crew cut and the IQ of Kasumi's tennis shoes. "Do you?" Kasumi wondered.

The man grinned and glanced at her treadmill speed. After adjusting his to her level and puffing a few times he continued. "I saw you . . . at the . . . fight."

Finger on her chin, Kasumi thought and could not remember meeting anyone.

"I wasn't . . . fighting . . ." he explained. "Had a . . . cramp."

That seemed odd to her but she didn't comment. It would be rude after all. "How nice. We're coworkers."

He chuckled and glanced at the lack of heavy breathing on her part with trepidation. "You did . . . great. . . . And that . . . guy . . . you were with."

"Thank you for saying so." She turned sideways to bow slightly and then continue jogging. "My name is Kasumi Tendou."

He tried to do the same and ended up slipping off of the machine. A moment later he was back up with a large red mark over his face. "Honzo Achijio, a pleasure."

That seemed to settle things for a little while. They both returned to running and staring at a few TV's hanging from the walls in front. When Kasumi hit the five-minute mark a sweat was starting to hit her so she hit the off button. No reason to tire herself yet.

The man, panting like a dog, smacked his head against the emergency stop and couldn't agree more with stopping just then. With shaky legs he stepped off of the treadmill. "So, Kasumi-san, will you be attending the next fight at the towers?"

"The towers?" Michael grinned. There was another fight?

Honzo nodded without thinking. "That twin tower hotel in Tokyo on the penthouse level."

Kasumi only considered it for a moment. She really did have a lot of fun the last time and she met so many interesting people. She wondered if Miyu would be there and if her nose was healed. Or maybe Dandruff, the one she suspected of being an Amazon, would still be chasing down Geese-san. They were all such helpful people, telling her where she could stick things.

"It sounds wonderful, Achijio-san," Kasumi smiled sunnily. Perhaps Ranma would go with her again. It would be like a second date.

Fortunately, Honzo missed Kasumi twisting her own nipple in anger. Taking a deep breath he stood straight and nodded his head. "Then I will see you there. I'll be betting on you!"

"How nice."

Neither saw the conveniently situated thug quickly slip out of the training center to relay this bit of information.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Are you sure about this?"

Nabiki smirked at the redhead walking beside her. Nothing gave her greater pleasure than to help her fellow classmates. Especially when monetary compensation was a part of the equation. Yesterday had been a rather successful day of shopping, replacing almost half of her wardrobe with new and expensive silk outfits. And the lingerie, oh my!

"Trust me, Ranma. Think of this as a practice kata."

The redhead frowned slightly, but swayed her hips just a bit like she was told and tried not to pull at the hem of her short skirt. Thankfully, she'd been able to avoid the fathers this morning.

Akane stared at the two girls suspiciously. Nabiki had told her this was somehow to repay Kasumi, but something still smelled fishy.

"Hey, who's that?"

"Didn't we see her yesterday after the fight between Ranma and Kuno?"

"She's hot."

Ranma blushed and at the same time tried to talk her fist of death out of pulverizing the male student body. Akane might be able to get away with it, but she wasn't like the tomboy.

The comments were affecting Akane as well. She didn't like the attention Ranma was drawing. "How is this supposed to help Kasumi again?"

"Oh, sister dear," Nabiki smiled saucily, "This is for Ranma as much as her fiancé. She needs to get a little experience with the field to properly appreciate Kasumi the way she deserves."

That didn't clear up anything. Akane wanted to ask again, but she didn't want to admit to Nabiki that she didn't get it. 

Nabiki smirked again as the line was accepted. She couldn't believe how much bull she'd been giving. Martial artists are so naive.

Kuno frowned as he watched the three women walk through the courtyard, ignoring the wolf-calls from the students. That had been his pig-tailed goddess, but what was this talk of a fiancé? He'd heard the name Kasumi before, but from where?

"Hmm, mayhap this cur is naught but the lecherous dog who did force his way into the pigtailed girl's changing room the day before." His face turned stern and he pulled out his bokken, waving it threateningly in the air. "Thou miscreant, feel terror before the gaze of Kuno for his anger has been brought down upon thee!"

With that declaration, the school bells rang, signaling his lateness.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Something had been going on with Ranma recently. Kasumi tried to think of what it might be, but couldn't quite place her finger on it. They still sparred a little together in the evenings, but he had been spending a lot of time in his cursed form, not that she minded.

Perhaps Ranma was just finding it easier to get along with Kasumi's sisters as a girl? They did go to school together and there wasn't any engagement tension between Ranma and Akane so it was possible they were friends this time.

She wasn't dressed in her workout clothes this time, having a different purpose in mind for her day. She took care of most of her chores before leaving as the body mandated and now she was out for a little fun.

People smiled and waved to her as she past. It was weird how many people Michael knew in this world since he was more private in his old world. It wasn't just men either. Some women and young girls recognized her as well and would stop to chat. While Kasumi may enjoy the contact, Michael was becoming not just a little annoyed with the delays.

"Well, look who it is. It's Miss Pool Girl, boys."

Kasumi turned around to regard the men that had stepped out of a black Honda Civic. Gora must not be that high up in the Yakuza if he's driving a piece of crap like that, Michael thought. 

Indeed it was Gora and two of his bodyguards, one of whom seemed especially pleased with himself.

"Good afternoon, Gora-san," Kasumi returned pleasantly.

"My boy tells me that you fancy yourself a fighter, girl."

She nodded. "Oh yes. I've been learning from my father and his friends. It's very good for the lower back."

The men blinked and Gora's eyebrow twitched with annoyance. "They say your good. You won the last tournament you were in."

"That's right, boss," one of his men jumped in excitedly. "She and some guy really wailed on a bunch of veterans and it was a huge take if you got behind her. Man, the stuff she did was-"

"Yes!" Gora cut in, annoyed. "Yes, so I've heard. And you plan to go to another fight this Friday. Is that so?"

"You hear quite a lot, don't you, Gora-san," Kasumi commented, tilting her head slightly. "Did you need directions?"

Michael was slightly concerned about what Gora wanted, but it didn't sound like he wanted to hurt her. 

"No, I know the way." Gora flicked at the shoulders of his jacket and smirked.

"Flakes?" Kasumi asked. The man paused with his mouth open. "Dandruff is really easy to take care of with the proper shampoo, you know. Your hair is so greasy though. Have you missed a bath for the past few days? Mother always says cleanliness is next to godliness, you know."

Gora was openly growling now. "Money is closer. I plan to make a lot of it off of you in this next fight to make up for what I lost at our pool game. Understand?"

"So you'll be there?" A sparkle entered Kasumi's eyes. "How nice. Will you cheer me on in the audience then? It's so nice of you to come support me. Things can get rowdy though. Maybe you should bring your little friends along too. I'm sure they would enjoy it."

"Hey! Can we boss? That would be fun."

The other nodded along with the first. "Yeah, I don't get to see too many of dem fights. Awful nice a ya to invite us along, boss."

"We can make a day out of it! Start on the strip to picks us up a few girls, eh?"

"Girls! You betcha, man. The boss gets a lot of them prime pieces o'tail all da time."

"Wow, that's generous of you, boss."

Gora screamed and pulled out large tufts of his own hair. "Shut up, you numbskulls! I didn't say anything about you coming along!"

"Gee," the first thug pouted, "that's not very nice."

"ARGH!" Gora smacked both men in the back of the head. "Morons. I'm a bad guy. Of course I'm not very nice. It wouldn't fit with my image! Now just- . . . Where did she go?"

The three men looked about and discovered Kasumi had disappeared. Gora grit his teeth and rubbed at his temples to hopefully stave off the coming headache.

"Where did who go, boss?"

"ARGH!"

A little further off, Kasumi had finally arrived at her destination and was given a set of keys and a helmet to borrow. The salesman looked on bemused as the young woman hopped onto one of the sleeker motorcycles in his lot and kicked the throttle. They had a small track to test the bikes out for such people.

"WHEEEEE!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Nabiki watched her younger sister while waiting for Ranma to exit her walk-in closet. "Depressed?"

Akane sighed and played with her freshly painted toenails. "Sort of. I'm trying to get the guys to forget about the whole morning fight, but it's not working very well."

"Telling them you'll beat them to a pulp if they don't stop is certainly a unique approach," Nabiki commented. It had been kind of fun, spending time like this with her little sister. They had done each other's hair and make-up after teaching Ranma. Now they were waiting to see if those lessons had taken hold.

Waggling her multicolored toes, Akane looked about for the redhead. "So what are you and Ranma doing this time?"

Nabiki turned to the closet door as she heard some shuffling. "See for yourself. Ranma?"

"Comin," came the tremulous reply. Ranma-chan stepped out, wobbling slightly on her heels. "Well?"

She tried not to laugh too hard, but Nabiki was afraid she might bite through her bottom lip. Thankfully, Akane finished gawking and spoke, "You're heading to the circus?"

"What?" The cursed boy looked bewildered, which went well with the heavy blush and mascara. There had to be three coats of eyeliner on the girl and green was not an attractive color.

After a few moments, Nabiki composed herself and tsked. "Ranma, you're supposed to put it on lightly so it gives the effect of not being there at all."

"Then why do I have to put it on at all?" Ranma asked petulantly. He really didn't like the make-up. It felt like his face was going to slide off. The underwear and dress were also bad, but the make-up he really, really didn't like.

"To look better," Nabiki began with a sigh of frustration. "A girl can do a lot of things with her looks alone." 

Ranma stared at her instructor with a little annoyance. This wasn't how she imagined things going. "I don't get it."

Taking a moment to consider, Nabiki snapped her fingers. Ranma and Akane were both watching her with obvious disbelief. "Here's an example. Tofu-sensei is a respected chiropractor for his calm hands and professional demeanor. But once he gets a look at Kasumi he's putty in her hands." Not that Kasumi had ever realized, she thought

Akane stared at her sister hard. "Is that how you got that family discount, Nabiki?"

Moving on, Nabiki swatted Ranma's butt. "Oh well. Let's see how you walk."

"How I walk?" Ranma did as she was told, slowly getting a hang of high heels. "What's so tough about that?"

Nabiki held her still after watching a few laps before her bed in embarrassment. "Tut tut, young pupil. A woman moves with grace and delicacy as if she weren't walking at all." Parading herself in example, Nabiki watched to see Ranma studying her movements closely. "Also, a woman needs to have manners as though they came naturally to her. Don't forget, clothes must compliment the figure to seem that anything you put on would make you attractive."

"It seems like a lot of work for doing nothing," Ranma grumbled sourly.

"That is the point. Making things look effortless hides the cunning mind of a woman. It's brains, not brawn that wins our fights."

Akane froze like she had run straight into a brick wall. For a moment she stared at her sister like she were a messiah of femininity.

Grimacing, Ranma pulled at the straps around her ankles holding the pumps in place. "Can we move on to something else? My feet hurt and I'm starting to get a headache."

Giving in, Nabiki nodded and picked up a few outfits. "Sure. We'll come back to that some other day. Why don't you go try some of these on for now?"

"I've already tried on a bunch of clothes, Nabiki," Ranma complained.

"These are special. So hurry up." Nabiki smiled indulgently as Ranma sulked back into the closet. "Men."

Still pondering what she had heard, Akane turned when something prodded foot. "Hey, isn't that Kasumi's pet pig she brought home last week?"

Nabiki blinked, wondering how the little pig got into her room. The door was still closed. "Haven't seen him around much lately."

"Come here, P-chan," Akane called sweetly. She was surprised when he turned to look at her and picked him up gently with both hands. "He's a pretty smart pig." She thought about getting her own pet after Kasumi came home with the pig the first time. Stroking his ears, Akane frowned at the bandana around his neck. "Nabiki, does this bandana seem familiar to you?"

The pig froze.

Leaning in, Nabiki couldn't help but feel the same as her sister. "Hmm? I think it-"

The closet door opened again. Ranma-chan came out in something made up of . . . very little. "Uh, is this supposed to be how it goes?"

Lacy bra, thong, garter belt, Ranma would be darned sexy if she weren't still wearing all of that make-up and hadn't attached the garter belt to the cups of her bra. Nabiki cackled and stepped closer. "Here, let me help."

Ranma blushed brightly as she let Nabiki pull at the straps, giggling things about. Taking her mind off of the negligee she stared at the piglet in Akane's hands that had passed out from blood loss.

"What's wrong with P-chan?"

Akane was starting to wonder about that as well. Maybe a pet wouldn't be much fun.

"Nabiki, Akane, little Ranma, dinner's ready!" Kasumi called from downstairs.

Ranma's eyes bulged, not wanting to be late for dinner with her father around, but also not walking around like she was. "Ack! How am I supposed to get out of this?!"

Nabiki smirked and opened the door. "Guess you'll just have to wear it."

Akane stood and passed the pig over to the redhead. "Here, Ranma. I think he wants you to hold him."

"Huh? P-chan?" Ranma stared at the pig for a moment, wondering why it was trying to crawl into her cleavage. "Whatever." Quickly donning her regular clothes she sprinted for the table.

Kasumi smiled at the pig and let little Ranma take care of him for her. The food was good as always, enchiladas as it was, and the conversation was interesting. Eventually Kasumi suggested Ranma take her out again on Friday, working out perfectly for Ranma's plans

Afterwards, Ranma headed back to Nabiki's room and continued her lessons and Kasumi cleaned up, humming pleasantly.

Nothing had been said about the ungodly amounts of make-up on neither Ranma's face, nor the pumps on her feet. Mainly because the father's were still in shock.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

It was a good night. Despite Gora being in the crowd, Kasumi and Ranma had a fairly good evening in the fights so far. After a good dinner out, they had taken the train to downtown Tokyo and then walked to the hotel. 

The ring was set near the top floor in a large open area that looked like it was set aside for conventions most of the time. Getting in was a lot easier than last time.

Kasumi wore a simple gi with a change of clothing in her duffel bag. Ranma kept to his usual Chinese outfit though he had abstained from some of the fights. He was watching her closely, but Kasumi didn't mind. Ranma was probably reviewing her improved skills.

"Hey, Kasumi!"

The girl blinked, but kept her eye on her opponent. "Yes, little Ranma?"

"I think I'm ready."

Kasumi ducked several punches and returned with some of her own. The man was dazed for a moment so she looked over at Ranma questioningly. "Ready for what, little Ranma?"

"To do this girl thing you want." He missed her stumble as he stared at his hands while a massive blush spread across his cheeks. "I'll show you how feminine I can be!"

People in the crowd started backing away.

Kasumi had stumbled to a complete stop and was unable to avoid the punch streaking straight for her face. She fell to the mat hard and did not get back up. Whether she fainted or got knocked out first is a matter of conjecture.

In the back, Gora screamed and stomped on what was supposed to be his winning ticket.

End Chapter Eight

***

In case you couldn't tell, that was a 'Kids in the Hall' cameo in the first scene.

Send C&C to jehtek@hotmail.com

Or visit my website at www.geocities.com/jehtek

Ja ne.


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